Lefthanded Socks

2011-11-27T22:12:00.000-08:00

http://news.advocate.com/post/13324191023/possibly-the-most-beautiful-ad-for-marriage-equality

Even though most days I currently think marriage is a big sham, this is something that I believe strongly in.

Robert J. Sawyer

2011-11-25T06:04:00.000-08:00

"I had a frustrating conversation today but now I'm reading a Robert J. Sawyer book and my faith in rational thinking is being reaffirmed." (That's something that I tweeted a couple of months ago and Robert J. Sawyer actually retweeted it, which I didn't actually discover until a couple of weeks later and made me totally excited.)

Last night, I had the privilege of seeing Robert J. Sawyer give a talk at McMaster University. I also got meet him afterwards! I was a complete inarticulate dork. I can't make small talk in regular circumstances and this was far from a regular circumstance.

If you read my blog, you might have seen me mention him a couple of times here before. The first Robert J. Sawyer book that I read was The Terminal Experiment. It was assigned reading for the Comparative Lit class that I took as one of my arts options in university. My room mate at the time was a huge fan of his and had tried to get me to read some of his books, but I never did until I had to for class. I will admit, I was a hard core sci fi snob and did not want anything to do with "new age" science fiction. I read The Terminal Experiment and loved it. Shortly after that I read The Neanderthal Parallax and Factoring Humanity and loved all four of those books. I was hooked. I have devoured almost all of his books in the nearly 7 years that has passed since I took that class. He very quickly became one of my favorite authors.

I grew up in a rather religious house, my parents being ministers and all, but I have always been drawn to science. My parents did an excellent job of encouraging this. However not everyone I have encountered over the years have been as open minded to this science business. I have had a lot of frustrating conversations in my life. Some which left me rather hurt and offended. For me, Robert J. Sawyer's books have always been a reaffirmation and haven for rational thinking. The science in his books is fantastic, but it has always been the logic and open minded ideas that he presents that have kept me coming back. His books have been one of the things that have helped me to see that the ideas that I have are okay to think. I tend to agree with the majority of the opinions expressed by his characters. His writing has played an important part in helping me be the person I am today.

(Given all of that, how could I have possibly said anything to him? I don't understand how people can talk to someone they admire so greatly.)

Robert J. Sawyer is a highly entertaining and engaging speaker. Unlike me, he is very articulate and seems to genuinely enjoy interacting with his fans. If you ever have the chance to see him speak, do so. And of course, read his books. It doesn't matter which one you start with, they are all fantastic.

Nightwish is Back!!

2011-11-09T07:26:00.001-08:00

A couple of days ago, Nightwish released the first single from their new album Imaginaerum. The single is called Storytime. I love it!! The album is being released in North America on January 10. I am so excited for this album. There hasn't been a new Nightwish album for almost 5 years. It has been a long wait. Nightwish was the first symphonic metal band that I was introduced to. They are the ones that started it all for me. They showed me that there is amazing music in this world.

Dark Souls

2011-10-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

I have been playing Dark Souls, I am not nearly close to being finished it yet, but I thought that I would share with you all what my thoughts on it are so far.

This is an incredibly oppressive game. Much more so then my usual game. It's not like you can just stroll into a town and visit an inn and be all safe and what not. The only safe havens I have come across so far, and the only ones in the game as far as I know, are the bonfires. You can heal and level up at them. But you fight like hell to get to them. I know that I have had enough when I really don't want to leave a bonfire. That is the point when I turn the game off. But then I am left thinking about it for a long time afterwards. The game is really gritty looking, which I feel adds to the atmosphere really well.

This game punishes your mistakes. Early on, I made the mistake of trying to kill an NPC who I felt was a little rude. It was right by a bonfire. That was a mistake. Not only did he kill me, but every time I respawned, he jumped up from his seat, ran over to me and proceeded to kill me again. Over and over and over. I tried everything, but I was not nearly high enough level and so I felt my only option was to start the game over again. That's what I did.

I love how you do not have to carry a fucking torch with you. I hate that game play mechanic. I find carrying a torch stupid and unnecessary. I am perfectly willing to accept that either my character can see in the dark or that her light source is somewhere other then being held in her hand taking away her slot for her shield.

I feel like every time I make it some where in the game, that I have accomplished something. The game is hard and it feels good to make progress in it.

I really like the controls. I have heard complaints about them, but I feel the set up works really well for me.

I would recommend this game, but probably not to everyone. I think you have to have a bit of a masochistic (did I actually spell that word right? I couldn't imagine that I did, but my spell checker is not refuting it) personality to play it. Which, given that I stuck it through a physics degree, I have already proven that I do.

2011-10-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

So, I don't feel in my last post, that I stressed enough how much better it is now. I think that as I was living in all of the shit, that I slowly become accustomed to things getting progressively more horrible and so I didn't realize quite how bad it was. Things like knowing that the money I just got paid is still going to be in my bank account tomorrow because I haven't spent it. Being able to buy groceries and thus knowing where my next meal is going to come from. Having myself and my cats living someplace safe, where we are not under threat of being kicked out. Not being at work and wondering if I am going to get a phone call with another crisis happening that I have to leave work for. Not being spun in one direction and then the other. Not being told lies about people I trusted and loosing friends over those lies just so that he could isolate me more and make me think that I had no one to turn to. I am my own person now and I control my life (PS, that is just a statement and not the beginnings of a philosophical debate on predestination or other such crap).

I have actually started talking to a few people at work. A couple of them work evening shift, so I only see them for like 15 minutes at a time, but still. Also, one of them recently got transferred to a different department in a different building for an unforeseeable amount of time. Which made me kind of sad when he told me this. Things are progressing slowly on the making friends front, but they are progressing none the less. My world is becoming less lonely.

I am also really happy to be blogging again and to be back on twitter. I feel like stopping those, was one of the first points of my isolation. I love blogging and tweeting, it's so much fun. Who doesn't want to have the contents of their brain spewed on the internet for random strangers to read? Although, I am really happy that there are about a million other people with my name (I am however not happy about the fact that there are a million people with a certain person's name with whom I tried, but failed at social media creeping because of it) because it makes it hard for people to social media creep me. As much as I like doing it to people at work, I don't know how much I would like for work people to find my blog. Which, I suppose some people would take as an argument for me not putting stuff up on here, but I have tried to find myself and I do not come up anywhere near the top in a google search. And none of them know LefthandedSocks, so I feel that it is okay. And if they do find me, oh well, I suppose they learn about what happened. Which really wouldn't be the end of the world, divorce being so common place these days and all. This is a really useless paragraph.

2011-10-26T05:35:00.000-07:00

Now it has been five months. I was thinking it was six, but it's just five. It seems like a lot longer then that. It seems like another life.

I am definitely not as angry as I was about the whole situation. I have been able to let a lot of that go. (I think Dark Souls is doing the job that I hoped that it would do. Because video games are awesome)

Life really is about the choices that we make. He chose to lie. I understand that compulsive lying is a thing. But you still have to chose to tell the lie. I have had to overcome compulsions my entire life so that I can function in society. It has taken a lot of work for me to get to where I am today from where I came from as a child. He is choosing not to do that. I don't know where he is today or what he is doing, but I really hope he is getting help. For his sake and for the sake of the next person he brings into his life.

This time last year, I can remember exactly what was going on because this is when all of the stuff really started happening. His mistakes started coming to the surface and he couldn't hide them anymore. It really does seem like a different life. I look back and I just can not believe that was my life and that was me. Because it wasn't me and it wasn't the life that I am supposed to be living. It is so much better now. I can't express how thankful I am that I left and that I had somewhere to go.

Forgiveness is something I am approaching. I am not quite there yet. But the idea of it no longer seems like the end point of a vertical asymptote and me the function approaching it. Mostly, I feel sorry for him. A person can't constantly be destroying their life and the lives of the people around them.

I can see
When you stay low nothing happens
Does it feel right?
Late at night
Things I thought I'd put behind me
Haunt my mind
I just know there's no escape
Now once it sets it's eyes on you
But I wont run,
Have to stare it in the eye
Stand my ground, I wont give in
No more denying, I've got to face it
Wont close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will
Stand my ground
It's all around
Getting stronger, coming closer
Into my world
I can feel
That it's time for me to face it
Can I take it?
Though this might just be the ending
Of the life I held so dear
But I wont run,
There's no turning back from here
All I know for sure is I'm trying
I will always stand my ground

~ Stand My Ground by Within Temptation

Zachary Quinto is kind of awesome

2011-10-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

This is a link to the blog post that he wrote for when he came out. Do yourself a favor and read it, it is beautifully written.

2011-10-16T00:39:00.000-07:00

Recently, this was one of my friend's facebook statuses.

"____ thinks you're still one of the 99%. I work hard and live modestly, too, and I generally don't have a lot to worry about. But the possibility that one small thing could completely reverse all the security and hope a person has in his/her life is enough to make me really fucking mad. It could happen to you. It could happen to me. It's already happened to countless people, both strangers and friends. We should be working together to destroy the entities that manufacture and perpetuate this particular brand of bullshit. It's not about laziness or finding a scapegoat--it's about giving half a fuck for ourselves and the people we share this planet with."

She has always spoken up and fought for what she believes in. Until recently her and her husband were living in a place where that was not an easy thing. For that, I admire her greatly and wish that I could be as articulate as she is.

I wonder if the Occupy protests will lead anywhere? I certainly hope that they do. Socialism needs a voice politically in the United States, and elsewhere. It makes me happy that there are so many people who are standing up for what they believe in. It's so important that we have a voice and perhaps one day, changes will be made to the system. Perhaps one day people will give a fuck about other people. That would be nice.

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.
What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.
What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh
How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

~ Dear Mr. President by P!nk

Marriage

2011-10-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

In light of recent events in my life, I am starting to look at marriage in a very different light. I used to think that marriage is what two people used to show that they were committed to each other, but why do you need marriage. Can't two people be just as committed to each other and not be married or the opposite, be married but not committed to each other. If I hadn't been married, I would have left the relationship long before I did. It was a crappy relationship, even before shit started hitting the fan. But I stayed because I was married. I had a wedding, we said stuff and made commitments to each other. Commitments which, on his part, turned out to be just lies. Why is that necessary? What's so great about a ceremony and a piece of paper? I am definitely out of the marriage camp and I would, in the very least, encourage people to live together for a while before they get married. I no longer think that marriage means commitment. Marriage is just words and words are wind. The relationship is what matters more.

Spoiler Alert- Dance with Dragons

2011-10-03T01:49:00.000-07:00

Warning, this contains spoilers for Dance with Dragons by George R. R. Martin.

I finished Dance with Dragons on Sunday. Where to begin? I was looking forward to this book a lot before it came out. I started reading the series about a year ago when someone I worked with introduced it to me. I fell in love with the series from the first book. The second and third were also amazing and made me want to keep reading more and dive right into the fourth book. However, that is where the brick wall happened. But I made it through the fourth book, despite it not having the three characters that I cared about the most and despite pretty much nothing happening. I was excited to start Dance with Dragons because those three characters were supposed to be featured in it and I thought, surely with all the set up work done in the fourth book that this one will be nothing but action packed. Boy was I wrong. I could understand the first part of the book being slow because he needed to set stuff up for the characters who weren't in the last one, but once the rest of the characters started showing up again, I expected things to start happening. But nothing happened. I got to the end of the book and thought surely there must be more, even though I had just finished nearly 1000 pages. In the first three books, he did such a good job of quickly setting up events and then having the shit hit the fan. But since then, he has gone through almost 2000 pages and 5 years of nothing happening. The sixth book better be exploding with shit, otherwise it might have been the second biggest waste of my time.

So, the one thing that did happen, left me really angry. As I said, there are three characters that I actually care about (and this is three out of about one hundred) - Arya, Dany and Jon. Of course he had to go and kill Jon. And it wasn't even a good death, it was horrible. Stabbed in the back by his own men. My only hope is that he transferred himself into Ghost. I am assuming that was the point of the prologue. Ghost better be kicking some Night's Watch ass in the sixth book. Or in the very least, meeting up with either Summer or Nymeria. The letter that Jon got in the end, I can't decide if it was just a ploy by the Night's Watch, or if Bolten did actually defeat Stannis. But then why wouldn't he have Theon? How would Theon have escaped that?

Speaking of Theon; another reason I currently hate GRRM is because he made me sympathize with Theon, despite what he did. I can understand why he did what he did in the third book. He never felt like he belonged anywhere and all he wanted was his father's approval. It doesn't justify what he did, but I can understand it. He has paid a really terrible price for what he has done. I hope that he gets his vengeance in the next two books. I loved how he started questioning everything and in the end realised that he should have died with Rob.

There was one line in one of Bran's chapters that I found interesting. He was in Summer at the time and thinking about his brothers and sisters. He said one of them had been killed, Grey Wind. But Lady is also dead. Or is she? Maybe it wasn't Lady that Ned killed. Or maybe I am reading too much into something that might just be an error. We know for sure Grey Wind is dead, but I think it would be interesting if Lady isn't.

Arya is still as awesome as ever:)

Dany kind of started to make me angry. She keeps going on about her children in Meereen. Nobody cares about Meereen, get your ass back to the Seven Kingdoms and claim your birthright for goodness sakes. But, she does redeem herself in the last chapter. But still, she really needs to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.

Here's hoping that something happens in the sixth book, you know when it comes out in 10 years.

2011-10-03T01:10:00.001-07:00

So, four months have come and gone since I left. I think it has been two months since I last marked the time. The last two months have definitely been an up and down of thoughts and emotions about the situation. I have come to two possiblities about the situation. I am not sure which one I lean to more.

1. He is an evil, souless, bastard who never loved me and gets his jollies from screwing people over.

2. He did love me and is actually sick and feels bad about what he has done or at will feel bad at some point in his life.

Obviously, I hope that it is the second one and that he does get help at some point. The second option is easier to stomach, but also requires a certain amount of understanding and forgiveness on my part. The understanding part still really isn't there, so it is hard to accept the forgiveness part.

The first option is more clear cut, easier to get. Black and white.

Either way, I will never know the truth because every thing he says is a lie.

I hate not knowing, because I like to know everything, but I think I have to leave it at that. But what is one more uncertainty in a universe directed by uncertainty?

I used to get stuck in the memories of the lies, but that hasn't happened in a while because I learned how to get myself out. Maybe some people would call that avoiding it, but I don't see it that way. There is no point in trying to unravel the truth from the lies because there was no truth. So I just assume that everything was a lie and instead of wasting my time getting stuck, I am trying to learn how to trust again. I know that one day I will be able to trust someone enough to let them in again. I don't actually want to be alone for the rest of my life, so my only option is to learn. And every day get stronger and better and not look back.

2011-09-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

Here is a website that I recommend.

How Games Saved My Life.

The website is run by Ashly Burch, one of the creators of HAWP. You know HAWP, I told you all to check it out not to long ago and since you all listen to my recommendations, you are by now familiar. For this website, people submit their stories on how video games helped save their lives, or changed for the better, certain aspects of it. With all of the negative stereotypes surrounding video games, it is a really great change to see the positive. Gamers all know how fantastic video games are, but the general public just has no idea. Poor sad, non-video gaming community:(

2011-09-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

So here's what I don't get. Why, despite all of what we are told, all of the warnings and past examples, do women still get themselves into situations like I was in? I've heard the horror stories, I knew all of the things that I should have done to protect myself. But I still ended up where I am today. It's not like I didn't do the things that I should have done, at first. But slowly he chipped away at all of the defences I had in place until he controlled every aspect of my life. How the fuck did that happen? How did I become so complacent and apathetic to my own situation? Sweet lies from him and my own arrogant, that could never happen to me attitude sure landed me in a place I never thought that I would be. If everything had happened all at once, it would have been glaringly obvious that something was wrong. But little by little, I learned to trust and forgot how to ask to right questions. Or any questions at all. We, as women, need to stop doing this. But unfortunately, we never learn until it is too late. We need to stop being prideful and arrogant. We need to stop looking the other way when the man in our life does something that doesn't seem right. We need to listen and learn from the stories that we have heard from other women. We need to learn to ask for help. And we need to stop caring what other people will think.

Women have come a long way, but there are still too many stereotypes that we hold to and that is what gets us in trouble.

Can't you hear me screaming, once again?
Voices you can't hear
Because you are consumed and in content
With everlasting greed
Don't you see me on my hands and knees?
Begging and bleeding
You're smiling as you bite the hand that feeds,
But will you never see?
Always wanting what your eyes can't see
Needing what your arms can't reach
Thinking you are in need
Always hearing what your ears can't hear
Feeling what your hands can't touch
Thinking you are incomplete
It was never enough that I gave to you
All of the horrors that you put me through
How can I make up my mind this time?
This is where I will draw the line.
Sacrificed my life to be with you
Why did you leave me?
There is nothing more from me you can consume
Cause you are incomplete
Everlasting need
Would you please?
Answer me
And make me complete
Everlasting greed
Would you please?
Set me free
Fullfill all my needs and make me complete
It was never enough that I gave to you
All of the horrors that you put me through
How can I make up my mind this time?
This is where I will draw the line.
Never again will I be with you
No promise eternal carrying us through
I've finally made up my mind this time
This is the end, I've drawn the line
Never enough to devour your greed.

~ Never Enough by Epica

WATCH THE GUILD

2011-09-15T16:31:00.001-07:00

Okay folks, if you haven't started watching The Guild, like I have told you to do a million times here, then start now. This season is incredible. Nerdom has collided and it has been epic. So watch this weeks episode, recognize all of you favorite people and then watch the rest of the series. Then, maybe buy a t-shirt because everyone loves a t-shirt. They have come so far since their humble beginnings, it is great to see.

2011-09-15T07:19:00.001-07:00

This morning at work, two people commented that I looked tired. And they are not even people that I know. I don't think this is a good sign. The dark circles under my eyes do appear to be getting a little darker every day. But I feel fine. Night shift seems to be going well, but maybe it is not agreeing with me as much as I think it is.

Dance with Dragons is so good so far. Although my favorite character has not had a chapter yet, so I am not sure what that means. With George R.R. Martin, it could mean anything. If he kills her, I will not be impressed in the least.

As good as the book is, it is hard to make myself read instead of playing Final Fantasy IV DS. Such a great port for that game. It is beautiful. People make fun of DS and people who like DS because of all the crap that is out there for it. And it is true, there is a lot of crap, but there is also an amazing amount of old school style RPGs and those are what I game for. Give me simple graphics and turn based combat over high def hack and slash any day. Making decisions is much better then random button mashing. But don't get me wrong, I do also enjoy a good old button mashing, kill everything in sight experience once in a while.

Also, I don't think I have mentioned here how much the previews for Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim are blowing my mind. The game play demos are fantastic. This is going to be such an amazing game. It is coming out this November 11. I am picking it up.

Well, must go to bed. Although, I will probably end up staying up to late reading Dance with Dragons.

2011-09-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

The copy of Dance with Dragons that I reserved at the library finally came in! I am excited to be reading this book. It is a big book though, I have no idea how I am going to finish it in the three weeks that I have. I am thinking I am going to have to cut down on 3DS, XBox and internet time. That is probably a good thing though. Also, I guess I am hoping for no overtime over the next three weeks so that the 2 hours between me getting to work and actually starting work will be free for reading. (No, I don't get to work that early on purpose, the bus that goes to my lab stops running at 9:30) Hopefully I can finish it. I really don't want to have to buy it, since I do not own the rest of the books. Buying one book just starts me down a dangerous path of too much stuff that I do not want to go down.

3DS

2011-09-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

So I bought a 3DS yesterday to replace my stolen DS. It's red and so pretty. I think I may be in love. Now hopefully Nintendo actually puts out the awesome looking games that they promised at E3 this year. There are still a large number of DS games that I am interested in that I have not played, so I am good for a while.

2011-09-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

Within Temptation was amazing!! This was very possibly the best concert that I have ever been to. Sharon is beautiful and has such great stage presence. They did a fantastic mix of songs from their new album, The Unforgiving, and their old stuff. It is so satisfying to love a band's albums and then see them put on an awesome concert. I would see them again tomorrow if I could. I hope they come back to Canada soon. Although the last time they were here was 5 years ago. I really hope I do not have to wait that long to see them again.

The Unforgiving came out at a good time for me. The theme of the album is quite appropriate for my current situation. Not to mention the fact that it is a really good album. You need to check them out. I don't care what kind of music you are in too. They will blow you away.

2011-09-06T07:12:00.000-07:00

And one more thing...

TOMORROW IS WITHIN TEMPTATION!!!!!!

I can't believe that this concert is finally here.

2011-09-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

There are two things that I love that need a shout out. I think I may have mentioned them on my blog before, but I am not sure.

If you enjoy video games and video game parodies, then these things are for you. I would like everyone to check out Mega64 and Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin ?. They are hilarious. Watch and love.

Also, the guest star on The Guild last week was amazing.

2011-09-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

Still so angry. Forgiveness is over rated because you can never forget. Also, it is hard when you do not have anywhere to direct the anger. I can't be angry at any of the people around me, and nor would I want to, because they have done nothing but help me. Violent video games also don't help. Maybe I need to find more violent ones. I must admit the ones that I play do not have very much violence in them at all. Too bad I don't have any contact with the one person who deserves the anger. But, even if I did, he wouldn't care. The way he treated me, he obviously didn't think that I was a human, worth any kind of respect or consideration. He didn't care about my feelings then, he definitely would not care now. What a complete douche. I guess my only hope is that without me there to encourage a some what healthy lifestyle is that he gets a lot more fat then he already was. Which, I think has a good probability of occurring. Also, his genetic history for obesity related diseases is less then stellar. So that's encouraging. It may seem kind of pitiful that my revenge is possible obesity related diseases, but since that is one thing that I thought that I could change about him to make him life better, I am kind of happy that I never succeeded. I never could get through to him, and now I am glad.

So, I still have a lot of work to do. But that is okay. I like the way things are going right now. Starting all over again has been kind of crazy. It is kind of lonely. I have always found it hard to make friends because I find it really difficult to talk to new people. Also, the shift that I am working is not very conducive to making friends. It is nice having my family close and Glenna is not too far away, so I get to see her once in a while. Glenna and I were recently discussing how the older we get, the more difficult it has gotten to find people we want to be friends with. Once you leave university, it is so hard to find people with the same interests as you. That is so true. I'll say it again, you never know where life is going to end up.

2011-08-28T02:22:00.000-07:00

Here is the link for Jack Layton's funeral. CBC has the entire 3 hour service posted on their site.

For Jack Layton as he is remembered today

2011-08-27T07:58:00.001-07:00

We are the ones who will never be broken
We are the ones who survive
This is the sound that brings us together
You are the one by our side

And through it all, your spirit's alive
And through it all, your spirit's alive

You are the memory that lives on forever
The shadow that stands by our side
This is the sound that keeps us together
We are the ones who survive

Farewell my brother
You're off to the big rink in the sky
The good lord's between the pipes
And you've got Bavis and Ace on the wing

We are the ones who will never be broken
We are the ones who survive

And through it all, your spirit's alive
And through it all, your spirit's alive

This is the sound that brings us together
You are the one by our side

~ Your Spirit's Alive by Dropkick Murphys

2011-08-26T05:41:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Wonder, the third book in Robert J. Sawyer's WWW Trilogy. I loved these books. I haven't actually read anything by him that I didn't love, but it had been a while since I've read any of his books. I find his books are not challenging to read, but they have so many neat ideas in them, that I keep coming back for more. Also, there are several times in his books where one of his characters will voice an opinion and it just leaves me with nothing to say but "oh slam". I seem to agree with most, if not all, of the opinions expressed in his books, and everyone likes reading things that they agree with.

All of the books I have read by him all seem have one theme in common and that is that humanity does have the ability to better itself and that we will eventually get there, we just need some help along the way. They all involve some kind of paradigm shift that makes us stop, shut up and think. That is definitely something that I think humanity needs.

So I would definitely recommend this trilogy and anything else written by Robert J. Sawyer.

2011-08-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

Also, and I am about to totally geek out here, but I love that Wil Wheaton is the person that he is. I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger (okay maybe I kind of still have a bit of one). But you know a lot of times celebrities whom people of the preteen and teen variety have crushes on turn out to be not the best examples of humankind. But Wil Wheaton is totally awesome and that makes me happy.

He has been blogging for 10 years now. I have been reading it for almost that long. It was a happy day in my teenage life when I stumbled upon it.

2011-08-25T06:37:00.000-07:00

Physics is kind of fantastic. I haven't given physics much love lately. So there you go physics. Sending my love...

RIP Jack Layton

2011-08-22T16:25:00.000-07:00

Today is a sad day for Canada. Jack Layton did a lot for this country and took his party to heights that have never been seen before. His dedication will not be forgotten by this blogger. My thoughts and support go out to his family.

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.
- Jack Layton

Speaking interpretation
A conversation can take a sudden turn
And reaching the point of violence
Because your silence left you without a hand to hold

Your past will lead you on to make...

Making a final judgement
Based on your bias will never bring you forward
Terror should never guide you
For even the fearful can take a beating in the end

Suspicion gets you nowhere

Those who denounce a way of life
Will stand alone
Left to atone their social blunders
If you gun down the messenger
You guarantee that he will be made
Into a saint
A martyr of the free word

I will say
I will say what I think
I will do
I will do what I say
When liberty seems out of reach
We'll fight for our freedom of speech

Requiem aeternam dona eis,
Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis

Missing a simple context
A mental weakness can throw you out of balance
Listen, respect each other
Then you'll discover
It mustn't always end in hate
It's not too late for mercy

Those who denounce a way of life
Will stand alone
Left to atone their social blunders
If you gun down the messenger
You guarantee that he will be made
Into a saint
A martyr of the free word

-Martyr for the Free Word by Epica

2011-08-19T06:37:00.001-07:00

I only have one more shift left this week. The transition to night shift has gone a lot easier then I thought it would. I like working this shift. I am not going to lie, I like having the lab to myself. For me, work doesn't get much better then when I can sing along with the music I am listening too because there is no one around to hear how horrible I am. My lab is rather far away from anyone else as well. You have to travel down two long and narrow hallways to get to it because it is on the "other side" of the building (we have both the first and second floor of one half of the building and only the second floor of the other half, I am in other half). Although currently I am also house sitting, so I think I am slightly lacking in people contact. I see no one when I get home and then only very briefly see people while at work. It takes a lot for me to miss being around people, but I think if it was like this indefinetly then it would be a problem.

Incidentaly, I don't think the spell checker works on this computer, so I am sure there are spelling mistakes in this post. I hate that spelling is not inutitive for me. It's rather frustrating and right now I am too lazy to google the words that I suspect I am spelling incorrectly. There are some people who frown on those who are too reliant on spell checkers, but I guarentee that a lot of those people are the people who rely on calcuators to do basic mathematics.

I feel like forward progress is being made. The ipod I am currently using is called the shuffle disquised as a nano because it is really old and no longer allows you to select what you want to listen to, it just works by putting it on shuffle. Also, I do not want to be touching it to change songs when I am wearing gloves covered in acid and who knows what else. So I can not really control what I am listening too. My point in this rambling is that there are certain songs that were hard to listen to right after it happened, but not anymore. Considering how much emotional attachment I have to the music I listen to, I consider this to be a victory.

I am so not going to sleep enough today. I should be in bed right now, but as usual there is something more interesting to do on the internet. Oh well, this being Friday and all. Somethings never change, even when I am on night shift.

Speaking of it being Friday, I have a phone date with my besties. I'm excited:)

So in the middle of writing this post, I felt the need to brush my teeth. While I was do this, I felt something in my mouth that I assumed was a bristle that had fallen out of the tooth brush (I hate it when that happens), but when I spat, it was in fact a fruit fly. I am trying hard not to speculate about the possible entry routes of the fly.

Twitter is such an interesting place. I'm kind of addicted again.

Also, this weeks episode of The Guild was killer. If you still have not checked it out, DO IT.

2011-08-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am starting my first night shift. I don't know how I feel about working nights. I took the job because it was the first opportunity I got in my field and it is close to home. It will be good on one hand because I like working by myself. But then on the other hand, it means that I will not be able to meet very many people, since there are only a couple of us working. I do have the instrument lab completely to myself though:)

Can't move an inch
But for the act to
Leave fingerprints

Freedom farewell
Look in the lens
Answer the questions
Are you a threat?
Nec plus ultra
After all the grabbing, it's time to bite the dust
Leave behind the breaches of my trust
Cleaning up the mess is up to us
Non plus ultra
Now that all hands are tied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Demolition, the damaged pride

The price of ambition
Nec plus ultra
The current system leads to profit seeking deeds
Leave behind the traces of our blood
Now the course for change is up to us
Non plus ultra

After all the grabbing
It's time to bite the dust
Leave behind the breaches of my trust
Cleaning up the mess is up to us

Access is now denied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Intuition, forgotten guide
The price of suppression
Terre eos vi
Augearis
Perde eos vi
Nobis imperium
Can't move an inch
But for the act to
Leave fingerprints

Freedom farewell
Look in the lens
Answer the questions
Will you behave as required?
When we think the end is here
With nearly all faith gone
There is hope along the way
And there a new age dawns

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those
who falsely believe that they are free
[Goethe]

Nobis victoria
Non plus ultra

Now that all hands are tied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Demolition, the damaged pride
The Price of Ambition

Access is now denied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Intuition, forgotten guide
The price of suppression

Can't move an inch
But for the act to
Leave fingerprints
Freedom Farewell
Look in the lens
Answer the questions
Will you behave as required?

When we think the end is here
With nearly all faith gone
There is hope along the way
And there a new age dawns

Chasing our addictions we're stunting our growth
Once we get rid of this ballast we'll be able to
Restore the balance and distribute our wealth

~ Resign to Surrender by Epica

2011-08-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

Trying to switch over to a night shift schedule is kind of a bitch. This first week on nights is going to be brutal.

Order of the Stick

2011-08-13T14:59:00.001-07:00

I realized that I have never mentioned one of my favorite things on this blog. It is a web comic called Order of the Stick. It is excellent, all must read. It features a band of adventurers travelling through a world loosely based on D&D. I started reading it in February. It has been going on for a lot longer then that and there are 800 comics up right now. There is also another comic on their website called Erfworld. I haven't read it yet, but plan to when I am finished getting through all of OOTS.

2011-08-11T15:58:00.001-07:00

I think I should bane myself from facebook. I have been creeping people that I really shouldn't be creeping. No, not that person. He deleted his facebook account around the same time that he started telling people that I had left him for someone I was working with (which clearly I should have); all the while, still living off of me (it's really too bad I hadn't left him when he had started telling people that, it would have saved me a lot of money, not to mention a job, a place to live, all my stuff... but I digress). The people I have been looking up are people from the past. There were a number of no starts in my earlier days. Most of them, I haven't had any contact with after the no starts were over. But I should not be looking them up because life doesn't work that way. It's easy and fun to imagine that it does, but it doesn't. There are no second chances at a life with someone. I think my problem was that the kind of guys who I was attracted to are not the kind to actually take the initiative with a girl who was interested in them and I was way to self conscious back then. I could only try so much before I couldn't take it anymore and would just give up. But there are a couple who I probably should not have given up so easily on. It is so easy to fall into thought patterns like that, but it probably isn't a good idea. I spent so much time during my marriage trying not to think about things like that, that now that I am free to without feeling guilty, it is hard not too. I wonder if life would have worked out better if I had done the things that he started telling people I was doing? Don't get me wrong, I think things are great now. But I didn't leave until the end of May and he started telling people these things at the beginning of December, I could have saved myself a good 6 months of shit. If only the initial suspected source of the rumors wasn't so crazy, then maybe they would have been a little more believable.

Katrina told me to listen to a band called Zombie Girl and so I am. She is rather entertaining. I don't normally like industrial bands due to their lack of lyrics and differential sound, but this girl is pretty good. There are lyrics involved and she has a myspace page. Also, she is apparently Canadian.

Also, season 5 of The Guild started recently. New episodes are up of Thursdays. All of the seasons are now up on their website, so it is very easy to start from the beginning. Watch, love.

Today at work, I passed my pipette test. So now I am allowed to pipette. Cause you know, I didn't pipette like 50,000 times at my last job.

Life is just so weird, you definitely do not know where you are going to end up...

It's weird

2011-08-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

It's kind of weird working in a lab that is not Maxxam. Everything is the same yet very different. It is so much easier there too. All I do is run the instruments. There are people to prep the samples and people to look at the data. Which is kind of disappointing because looking at data was my favorite part. The sample volume is a lot higher so there is a lot to do. But I don't see staying past the length of my contract unless my job changes before the year is up.

Also, I would like to point out that there are cute boys at my lab and it doesn't matter what I think or do about that.

2011-08-07T16:02:00.001-07:00

So I have rediscovered the library and it is awesome:) Large amounts of love. I can't believe I had stopped going to libraries. Mostly I stopped going because if I really wanted to read a book, then I just bought it. But I am realizing how uneconomical that is. Then there was also the library book sale every year in Edmonton where I would accumulate a large number of books (how can you resist for only $0.50 per paperback?), many of whom never got read. Since I do not have any of those books anymore and no money for buying books, I rediscovered the library. I don't think I am going to go back to my previous ways. I do miss my books (more then a certain person, although less then my DS), but owning them is so cumbersome. The goal for the near future is to travel light.

Do not even get me started on my DS. I mourned it's loss far more then the lose of my marriage. (Possibly because my marriage, or rather the person I was married to is the reason I lost it). My DS was my constant companion. Always providing entertainment and always faithful. It was my reward to myself for all of the hard work and overtime that I put in during the big audit that I had at work a while ago. I feel like the theft of that was one of his biggest betrayals. That may sound silly to others but it's because he knew how much it meant to me.

Oh consequences

2011-08-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

There are so many random consequences of that relationship. One of them popped up today. Nothing big, it just reminds me of how angry I am with all of it and how much work it is going to be to truly start over.

Theme Songs: Dying Star and Remember by In This Moment. (The lyrics to these song were posted in previous posts, check them out)

The music I listen to has no shortage of songs to help deal with the situation that I am in.

2011-08-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

9/10 is not an accurate statistic, stop using it as if it is. Don't be lazy, check your facts.

You can take the girl out of the lab...

2011-08-05T14:55:00.001-07:00

...but you can't take the lab out of the girl. I must admit, I was rather excited to be back in a lab again. I really am a lab nerd.

2011-08-04T15:27:00.001-07:00

On a side note, since I do seem to have a small readership (although a lot of it I suspect is to check out the potential gossip) you should all check out this web comic. It is called Galaxy Raiders. A totally awesome person whom I worked with at Tim Hortons is one of the creators. Read it... and then follow them on facebook.

2011-08-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

"I've often thought that if people with the highest IQs stopped doing what those with the lowest IQs wanted them to do, the world would be in a lot better shape."

~ Caitlin Decter in Watch by Robert J. Sawyer

2011-08-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

I am starting my new job on Friday. I am pretty excited. I think I need contact with some more people. My family is great, but they are only three people. Most people at Tim Horton 's don't count because I don't have anything to talk to them about (with a few awesome exceptions). Katrina and I found a couple of people to play D&D with (oddly enough and slightly against character, we put an ad up on craigs list about two months ago and finally got a response two weeks ago. But seriously, how else do you meet other gamers in a smallish city with a not very large gaming community?) and we had our first session on Friday. It was good. I am glad to have found people.

It will be nice to be learning again and doing something a little bit more challenging. I hope it will be more challenging. The type of MS that they have is different from what I am used to and their element list is far more extensive. Even though lab work is repetitive, I still found it interesting. Probably because I really like numbers and finding relationships between them. I just wish I could analyze more complicated things. Data coming off of an MS isn't the most complicated thing out there.

So I just googled LefthandedSocks because I wanted to see if I still came up first. I do, but there is now a lefthandedsock out there. Huh... I think I have been around longer though because I have been blogging since 2005 and the earliest thing that I can find from lefthandedsock is a youtube account started in 2006.

Also, I have never looked at the stats tab before (I know quite a statement from someone who just one paragraph ago stated that she really likes numbers) but apparently I have a bit more of a following then I thought. Weird and cool. I creep people's blogs (not to mention their facebook and twitter accounts) all the time, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people do it to my blog as well. Katrina and I were recently talking about how it sucks that when you creep someone on facebook and find out something that you have in common, that it is not really acceptable to bring up in conversation that you learned this while creeping their facebook. Everybody does it.

2011-08-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

Over the last few days (which might have something to do with the fact that I was at one of my cousin's weddings), I have been thinking about choices that I have made in the last about 9 years, that I consider to have been turning points. My life could have been completely different if I had chosen the other option.

The main one that I have been thinking about came after my first year of university. A certain set of officers got moved to a city with a university that I had been accepted to out of high school. I considered long and hard about switching to that university. The reason is probably obvious, they had a son that I was rather interested in when we lived in the same area during high school. My thought was that if we lived in the same city, we would get together and everything would be awesome. And I would still be going to a really good school, so no problem there. But there were several arguments against doing this; I didn't actually know that anything would happen between us, I went to UofA because I wanted to do it on my own and moving back to Ontario for a boy seemed silly and he is sick sometimes and that scared me because I didn't know how long we would be together. Clearly, those arguments won the day and I stayed in Alberta.

It's not that I think my life would have been so much better had I switched schools, I know that there would have been other challenges that I would have had to face and I don't know what would have happened. But at this point, it is hard not to look at the choices I have made and wonder what it would have been like if I had chosen differently.

I think I choose the easy path too often. Choosing to be with Jon seemed like the choice that would make life easier and if he had been the person that I thought he was, it would have. But there were several points during that relationship where there were choices to be made that would have changed things but I always chose him. And keeping to my theme of honesty on this blog, it really was because staying with him was the easier choice. I'm not saying I didn't love him, I did love him, but I didn't love him enough for that to be the only reason I chose him. I knew what I was doing in the moment, but I put those thoughts aside and focused on building the easy life that I wanted.

I think somewhere along the way I lost myself. I didn't used to think like that. I've always struggled with not being good enough for members of the other sex. I never had a boyfriend during high school or even university, despite large amounts of effort on my part. The effort was never reciprocated and so I never felt good enough. Loneliness is a powerful thing, it definitely has the ability to change thought patterns.

I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clocks screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As there falling
Tell a story

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don't say I'm not in touch
With this rampant chaos
Your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare i built my own world to escape

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot stop for the fear of silent nights
Oh how i long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light

~ Imaginary by Evanescence

2011-07-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

So it has been two months today since the day that I left my marriage. I wonder if, as the years go on, May 28 will be one of those dates that I always say hey today is May 28, this was the day _ years ago that I became free. Or if eventually I will just forget what the date was because it will no longer hold enough significance to matter. I guess I will see.

Playground school bell rings again,
Rain clouds come to play, again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,
Hello...

If I smile and don't believe,
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream,
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken,
Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide,
Don´t cry...

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping,
Hello, I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday...

~ Hello by Evanescence

Within Temptation!!

2011-07-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

Katrina and I got our tickets for the Within Temptation concert!! I can not wait for this concert. Sharon is an amazing singer. If you have not heard this band, you must look them up.

2011-07-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

So if I am being honest with myself, things really were bad for a long time before the end. There were times when I was so angry at him, but I did not want to admit that I might have made a mistake. Also he had this way of whenever I got angry with him for something, he would always manage to make me feel guilty about it. I did not even necessarily have to get angry, just whenever I confronted him on something. There was a lot of guilt tripping in that marriage.

Things started out so good and so innocent. He was always there when I needed him and in turn I thought that I could take him away from the life that he had and show him what I considered to be a better way of life. But you can not change people and I was so blind and arrogant to think that I could.

I should never have let things get as far as they did. I knew there was something wrong, but I just could not admit that I was wrong. He gave me everything I thought I needed; at first. But then took away all of my trust and innocence.

I really hope that this has not made it so that I will never trust another person the way that I need to in order to be in a relationship again. I do not think it will, but how do you trust again. This is not really anything that I need to be thinking about right now, but I think that it is natural to think about.

Explaining my music

2011-07-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

Today at work, someone asked me what kind of music I listen to, which I answered with the usual female fronted metal answer. You know, most people do not know that this type of music exists. (I, myself, didn't know it existed until about 6 years ago.) It's really hard to explain when the only thing most people think of when they consider metal music is the classic metal core band. I eventually just gave up and said that I know that it sounds ridiculous, but it is really awesome. I don't think I was very convincing, the conversation ended with a thick amount of skepticism in the air.

It really is amazing music. Especially symphonic metal. There is something about the combination of metal rifts, symphony music and operatic vocals that just does it for me.

Here is a list of bands that you should listen too:

Epica
Nightwish
Delain
In This Moment
Within Temptation
The Agonist
ReVamp

Within Temptation is coming to Toronto in September. This is a can't miss, possibly once in a lifetime, concert. I can't wait.

2011-07-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, so obviously some days are easier then others. Sometimes thoughts lead me down into memories that I would rather not explore, but then I can't stop. There is just so much I don't know and wished that I had answers too. That's the hardest part.

Remember that old, quiet day
I remember the innocence with it
I remember the death, it was beautiful
I remember the nothingness of me

I Remember back, in the beginning
I remember the years all too well
I remember dreams of a better world
And I remember what they did to me

I know that I can survive this
I know that there's a way
I know that I can survive this
I see a way

Release me from these memories
And show me a way to be free
Release me from these chains
And show me a way for me to start again and start this all over

I remember the martyrs in disbelief
And I remember the look on their face
I remember all of the filthy waste
And I remember what they stole from me

I know that I can survive this
I know that there's a way
I know that I can survive this
I see a way

Release me from these memories
And show me a way to be free
Release me from these chains
And show me a way for me to start again and turn this all around

I remember the looks on their face
And I remember the filthy waste
And I remember what they did to me
They took my innocence

Release me from these memories
And show me a way to be free
Release me from these chains
And show me a way for me to start again and turn this all
To start again and turn this all around.

~Remember by In This Moment

It's been a while (again)

2011-07-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted here in a while, at least not anything with original content. There is a reason for the song lyrics. If anyone still actually read this blog, then there would be some of you who know why and some of you who don't. I don't even know why I am posting anything here. It just seemed the thing to do.

For some reason the mouse stopped working and so I am trying to navigate without using a mouse. It probably is a some what useful skill to have. Maybe not.

I do kind of miss my blog. I used to have a lot to say. Apparently not anymore.

I got to geek out today at work. It was fun. Hopefully the new "real" job will have people to geek out with. I am assuming there will be, seeing as it is a lab and all.

Ooo, I managed to open iTunes, go to the music I wanted and then make my way back to my blog. Sweet. In case anyone is interested, I am listening to the album A Star Crossed Wasteland by In This Moment. Fantastic album.

I have been considering putting down here the things that have transpired in the last little while that has led to the lyrics being posted. It's hard though. While a lot or people know what happened, or that something happened, I haven't had to tell too many people. Not that anyone reads this anymore. But still. I had considered putting something up on the day that was supposed to be special, but I decided against it. I didn't feel like attention needed to be drawn to that day. Plus, the truth is, I've accepted it. Stuff in life happens and you can either curl up in a ball and cry or hold your head up high and fix your own life. So it seems silly to dwell on it. My life took a detour for a while, so now it is time to get back on track.

2011-07-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

My beautiful liar
Why are you crying
On your knees
You've crucified yourself
And now denial is rising

Why
So tell me

So tell me how did you lose yourself at sea
Drifting within
So tell me why did you cast yourself away
It's such a sweet addiction
You should celebrate

My beautiful liar
You are drowning
In your fear
You're cutting into me
You think if I bleed
It can save you

Why
So tell me

So tell me how did you lose yourself at sea
Drifting within this
So tell me why did you cast yourself away
It's such a sweet addiction
You should celebrate

And you know if I could
I'd take your pain
But will you turn and face your disease

~ Lost At Sea by In This Moment

2011-07-04T10:12:00.001-07:00

I was never good enough
I listened to their lies
I crucified myself
I always, but now I realize
That I’m the only one
Who can mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
I was my own worst enemy
I was blinded by my shame
A hopeless masquerade
Never ending
The guilty down inside
Was a blessing in disguise to mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
I can mend my ways
Now, I’m flying, hanging on the wind
Following the night
And ride
Leave gravity behind
Following the light
Finally I can breathe
I
I bury all my doubts
I've learned to live without
The fear of endless scars
In this star
I can mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
I can mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
My dying star

~ Dying Star by In This Moment

2011-06-21T09:15:00.001-07:00

Loving you is poison to my heart
I'm free by losing you
Why was I blind?
Why did I tried?

Loving you, no honey for the damned
I'm free by breaking through
I have lead a way out

No heart, no shallow heart to love
I'm better off just by myself
No pain, no pain to command me
I'm better off without this agony

Loving you is poison to my heart
I'm free by losing you
Why was I blind?
Why did I tried?

Loving you, no honey for the damned
I'm free by breaking through
I have lead a way out

No knife, no knife can cut me free
I'm better off without this heart
No fight, no fight will set me free
I'm better off without this love

Loving you is poison to my heart
I'm free by losing you
Why was I blind?
Why did I tried?

Loving you, no honey for the damned
I'm free by breaking through
I have lead a way out

~No Honey for the Dammed by ReVamp

2011-06-11T09:27:00.000-07:00

So here we are now at the end of our road.
So many questions going unanswered.
These streets are dark and led me far from you.
And you never noticed that I was gone.
And now I'm standing here alone.
Still I hold my up head high.
The time has come for me to leave.
It's the only way to survive
There's no need now for you to say a word.
Your sacrifices for me took a turn.
I hope you're sailing free and on your way.
And I hope you think of me each day.
And now I'm standing here alone.
Still I hold my up head high.
The time has come for me to leave.
It's the only way to survive
And now I'm standing here alone.
Holding my head high.
The time has come for me to leave.
It's the only way to survive,
Now I'm standing here alone
It's the only way to survive.

~Standing Alone by In This Moment

2011-06-09T10:54:00.001-07:00

It's a burden for wrong reasons
But I keep hold of this pain
No more tears but common sorrow
Yet it wears of day by day
Letting go; I never could but I surely need to heal
Sweet curse, my hell

You bare our memories like staining scars within your mind
You lose all that you knew of me, gone deep inside
Lost love, my hell

Sweet is the curse of hearts intwined but lost, detached but bound
Sad is their fate without relief
Cruel is the curse of love, so luscious yet so dangerous
Sweet curse, our hell

Words weren't made to tell this story
For I can't describe the ache
No remorse for your betrayal
Yet though I find that hard to take
How can beauty change unseen into a monster, I don't know
Lost love is my hell

Sweet is the curse of hearts intwined but lost, detached but bound
Sad is their fate without relief
Cruel is the curse of love, so luscious yet so dangerous
Sweet curse, our hell

Lost hope and lost dreams
Killing you slowly
New scars and new cravings take control
(New desire, new despair)

Losing you was more than I could bear
Losing us, a dive in water deep
Losing you

~Sweet Curse by ReVamp

2011-06-08T09:33:00.001-07:00

I can’t sleep ‘cause it's burning deep inside
Like gasoline on fire running wild
No more fear ‘cause I’m getting closer now
So unreal but I like it anyhow

I go faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster.

And I can’t live in a fairytale of lies
And I can’t hide from the feeling ‘cause it’s right
And I go faster and faster and faster and faster for life
I can’t live in a fairytale of lies

I can feel that you mesmerize my heart
I feel so free, I’m alive, I’m breaking out
I won’t give in, ‘cause I’m proud of all my scars
And I can see I’ve been wasting too much time

A fairytale of lies

A fairytale of lies.

~Faster by Within Temptation

2011-06-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

Breathing in and breathing out
My head leaned back my hands are tied
I stand in here alone I scream, questions why
Days slip by and nights I taste
These memories run through my veins
Injecting me with one last kiss, screaming why

This medication can't save me
And desperation takes hold of me
I wanted to believe in all of this
I wanted to believe in you

All I am, all I have
Leads me down these roads again
Take my hand, show me the way
And never bring me back here

Determination is pushing me
And perseverance is what I bleed
I wanted to believe in all of this
I wanted to believe in you

These are my unanswered prayers
The time has come for me to say goodbye
God please hear me, calling

~Prayers by In This Moment

2011-05-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sparkling angel
I believe
You are my savior
In my time of need

Blinded by faith
I couldn't hear
All the whispers
The warning's so clear

I see the angels
I'll lead them to your door
There is no escape now
Now mercy no more

No remorse 'cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wished they'd turn to real
You broke the promise
And made me realize
It was all just a lie

Sparkling angel
Couldn't see
Your dark intentions
Your feelings for me

Fallen angel
Tell me why?
What is the reason?
The thorn in your eye

I see the angels
I'll lead them to your door
There is no escape now
No mercy no more

No remorse 'cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart

Could have been forever
Now we have reached the end

This world may have failed you
It doesn't give the reason why
You could have chosen
A different path of life

The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wished they'd turn in to real
You broke a promise
And made me realize
It was all just a lie

Could have been forever
Now we have reached the end

~Angel by Within Temptation

Jack Chick

2009-10-03T12:57:00.001-07:00

No!!! I don't know why I do it. It has been a long time, but I have once again stumbled upon Jack Chick's website. It's like a really bad car accident; you know that you shouldn't look, but you can't help it. His website makes me so mad, but I just can't stop reading once I get started. The first and last time that I stumbled upon it was about 5 years ago. It made me just as mad then.

Here are a few doosies-

Primal Man? - A comic that out right proves that evolution is false.

Dark Dungeons - A comic illustrating the disastrous consequences of playing D&D.

Why is Mary Crying - Bad Catholics, you're making Mary cry.

The Death Cookie - The origins of the Holy Eucharist. Ragging on the Catholics again. He really doesn't like them.

I can't imagine living my life thinking absolutely everything around me is evil. That must suck.

This Jack Chick character teaches people how to hate and persecute all other people who believe differently from them. How is that in line with what Jesus teaches?

How do people like this come about? How does one person think so much of themselves to think that what they believe is the only way to get to Heaven? What kind of a personality disorder do you have to have to think that way?

The thing that really bothers me is the fact that what is says about a topic is either completely over exaggerated or a flat out lie. He isn't even using the truth to make his followers hate other people. This is, at least, my experience with his writings on D&D. I am sure his exaggerations and lying didn't start or stop with D&D.

I just don't understand.

2009-10-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass
This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

My flower, withered between
The pages 2 and 3
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins
Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forevermore

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forevermore

~Nemo by Nightwish

Sometimes titles are just hard to come by

2009-09-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been following Bif Naked's blog. Have I ever mention here how totally awesome she is? I went to her show when she was here in July and it was the best rock concert I have ever been to. She absolutely rocks better then anyone else on the planet. You should check out her blog, it radiates happy energy.

My "theme" song, or whatever you want to call it, at this point in my life is "Nothing Else Matters". It's a song that is originally by Metallica, but since Bif is my girl, I always sing it to her version.

So close no matter how far Couldn't be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words I don't just say And nothing else matters Trust I seek and I find in you Every day for us something new Open mind for a different view And nothing else matters Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know But I know.

That got me thinking to what my theme song was back in high school. It was "Superman" by Goldfinger. The lyrics are here, in case anyone is interested, the song is too wordy to post. So full of teenage angst I was. I am so glad I am not a teenager anymore. That was the worst, most awkward and uncomfortable time ever. Being an adult is so much better.

The Detroit Tigers are currently in first place in their division. They are 2 games up on the Minnesota Twins. They have a 4 game series, which was set to start tonight but was rained out, against the Twins. With only 7 games left in the regular season, this is a definitive series. History is not, unfortunately, on the side of Tigers. The Twins have always had their number. My Dad is hoping for a split. I think that is the best we can hope for. I'm trying to stay positive and say they will take 3/4. With the rain out tonight, they are playing a double header tomorrow. The series is being playing in Comerica, so hopefully home field advantage will play in their favor.

Dollhouse Season 2 premiered on Friday, as I mentioned. What I saw of it was good. Unfortunately, I fell asleep. Trying to stay awake to focus on a t.v show that is on after 10:00pm, is just becoming impossible. I'll see how next week goes.

And, I'll end this post with a line from tonight's episode of The Big Bang Theory:

"If you people spent less time thinking about sex and more time thinking about comic books, we would have fewer of these embarrassing moments." ~Sheldon

Apparently twitter is useful

2009-09-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

Because I found out that the Dollhouse season premiere is on tonight! I didn't even know that it had a second season coming. I am really bad at following stuff like this though. That's exciting. And I thought I had nothing to do tonight. (Jon is working nights for those of you who don't know).

Two of my favorite geek things in one place

2009-09-25T00:48:00.001-07:00

So, incase you don't know, Wil Wheaton will be guest staring on an upcoming episode of The Big Bang Theory. His blog- WWdN: In Exile has had quite a lot of buzz about it the last couple of days. I can't wait for this episode. I also love that Wil Wheaton is such a geek. He is also guest staring on this season of The Guild.

Odd

2009-09-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

So, thanks to Twitter, ah Twitter I have been exploring an online physics forum, FQXi. There's this guy, he responds to every article posted with complete and utterly bizarre nonsense. For interests sake, I googeled him. He is a part of every single online networking community out there (ie- facebook, twitter, Hi5 etc). He has a blog, it has one post that makes no sense. He seems to like spheres and thinks that everything in nature is the result of spheres, or something like that. I don't think he actually knows any math, or really what any words in physics mean. I'm pretty sure he takes words that he thinks sound cool together and puts them together. It's odd because FQXi is an actual serious forum for physics discussion and yet after every article, here is this guy, putting in his two cents. Maybe they allow it for amusement? I am not really sure. I'm sure this blog sounds mean, but people like that are irritating. They contribute no actual, real science to the world, yet they go around stating that other people who are actually doing real science are wrong. Just flat out wrong, no explanation or supporting proofs, they are just wrong.

A number of years ago, I received some books from someone that were all about the "Christian answers to astronomy". I read the books. They irritated me a great deal. One of them was titled "Designs and Origins in Astronomy vol. 2". Each chapter in this book discusses a certain topic in astronomy. Pretty much the same stuff that I learned in my third year astronomy classes, but with very minimal math. At the end of each chapter, however, there is a conclusion. All of the conclusions boiled down to the same thing- since there are some problems with the current scientific theories and the idea that evidence suggests that the universe is billions of years old is ridiculous, it must mean that the universe was created, out of thin air, just a few thousand years ago.

This just all seems lazy to me. Like they are saying, we don't want to take the time to understand what is actually going on in the world around us, so we will just go with the out of thin air creation, because we don't actually have to think. In my experience, a great deal of Christians don't take the time to think about anything. You can't have a logical debate about any of these things because their only answer is "because the Bible says so". I stopped using that answer when I was 8. I knew there was more to it then that, at 8 years old. Yet there are people who go to their grave with their only answer being "because the Bible says so". Is that faith, or is it just being lazy? I've always taken the stance that the only way to actually know God is to learn as much about the universe as possible. Laziness in thought just irritates me. I know not everyone gets math and physics, but you don't need to be a wiz at math and physics to come up with a better answer then "because the Bible says so".

Big Smiles, The Big Bang Theory and other such things

2009-09-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

Here is the best picture ever. It makes me happy. Isabelle will be two months old in a week. Crazy. As you can see from the picture, she has the biggest smile ever.

Season 3 of The Big Bang Theory premiered last night. It was funny. Season 2 ended with the boys headed to the magnetic North Pole in search of magnetic monopoles. I was hoping that they would come back having detected magnetic monopoles. It would be interesting to see their spin on a universe where magnetic monopoles have been detected. But I guess they didn't really want to move the show in that direction.

Season 3 of The Guild started late August. There are now 4 episodes streaming on MSN. I would encourage all to check them out. Wil Wheaton is guest staring on this season. Ah Wil Wheaton...

I meant to put a lot more into this blog post, but then I got distracted and it is getting late, so that is all you are getting...until next time.

10 years

2009-09-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

(A note before I get started. I have somehow changed the keyboard settings to being in French. So, when you see this É, read it as a question mark. Does anyone know how to change the settings backÉ)

Today it has been 10 years since my Grandpa Joe (my Moms father) passed away. He was a wonderful person and a great man. So, in rememberance to him, I thought that I would share some of my favorite memories.

This first one, I do not know if you can call it a favorite memory, but it certainly was significant. The first time that I experianced motion sickness was in his brand new car. Can you blame meÉ New car smell mixed with the oppressive heat and humitity that is summer in Windsor.

Next when I was probably about 6 years old, Kim and Katrina were about 2 or 3 years old. The whole family had gathered at Auntie Barbs house. We were swimming in her pool. Kim and Katrina were playing on the pool stairs. One of them, I think it was Katrina fell into the pool. Grandpa was up out of his chair, fully dressed in his white sneakers, front pleaded pants and short sleave button up shirt, and into the pool before the rest of us realized what was happening.

One year when we lived in Prince George, Grandpa came to visit. I was downstairs watching t.v. with him and he was eating an apple. He always cut up his apple and pealed the skin off. So I asked him why he did that. He said it was because he did not have any real teeth. I was confused and he must of seen that because next thing I knew he had taken his false teeth out of his mouth. I was shocked, until that moment, I was not aware of the fact that people could have false teeth. Grandpa seemed to find the look of shock on my face funny, I did not know what to think.

One year in Vancouver when Grandpa came to visit, he brought my cousin Stephen with him. One morning, Grandpa blacked out in the kitchen and fell. My Mom was worried but he insisted that he was alright. Later that day, Grandpa decided that he needed to pick a few things up from the grocery store that was within walking distance of our house. Grandpa insisted on going alone. Mom was still worried, so she gave Daniel, Jeremy, Stephen and I a mission. We were to follow Grandpa to make sure he was alright. We set out after him. The grocery store was staight down the hill from our house. He was a few blocks ahead of us. We followed behind him hiding behind trees and mailboxes. We even J-walked across the busy street because we could not cross at the light at the same time as him but we knew that if we waited for the next light we would lose him in the grocery store. We followed Grandpa around the grocery store, ducking behind shelves and going up ailse parallel to the ones he chose. It was fun. Looking back, I am pretty sure there is no way he did not notice us, but he never said anything. He let us believe that we had successfully spied on him the whole way. We were quite proud of ourselves and we reminised on our victory for the rest of the visit.

Lastly, when we lived in Trenton, this is from the last time that he visited us. When I woke up one morning, I noticed that my hamster, Kes, had died. I went upstairs carrying her and I was crying. Grandpa saw me, gave me a big hug and asked if I wanted him to make me some tea. Because of course tea helps to make everything feel better.

I got married in my familys church, South Windsor Citadel. The last time I had been there before my wedding was for my Grandpas funeral. I was one of the pallbearers at his funeral. The oldest of his grandchildren got to be. That was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. But it is also the greatest honor that I have ever had given to me. I love my Grandpa so much and I still miss him not being there for the big things in our lives.

So today, I am raising my mug of tea in rememberance to my Grandpa Joe.

Isabelle again

2009-08-07T17:16:00.001-07:00

Just because she is so darn cute! I mean look at those cheeks. Have you seen a set of chubbier cheeks?

Isabelle Anne

2009-07-30T17:55:00.001-07:00

I would like to introduce you all to Isabelle Anne! She is my beautiful niece born July 29. She is a whopping 10lbs. I am very proud of my sister for being so strong. I am so excited to be an auntie. I am going to Ontario August 20. I can't wait to meet her.

Me, get a calculation wrong, unlikely

2009-06-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

So on Thursday at work, I had my new hire audit. These are things that one must have 2-3 months after starting in a new position. I've been lucky though, metals is my third position and this was my first audit. It was kind of stressful though because I was given hardly any warning, I had an email from my manager when I got in in the morning saying that she was going to audit me at 1:00pm.

Part of the audit entails doing calculations that are present in the standard operating procedure. These are calculations that, normally we do not have to do because the instrument software or the reporting software does them for us. My instrument takes the intensity of photons it detects from a sample and from there uses the calibration data to calculate the concentration. Some of the elements that we scan for use a linear calibration curve(y = mx + b) and some use a quadratic curve(y = ax^2 + bx + c). Where y is the intensity of the sample, x is the concentration and the rest are different characteristics of the line (eg, m = slope). The calibration data gives 2 curve coefficients for linear elements and 3 curve coefficients for quadratic. The SOP tells how to solve these problems and for the quadratic elements it says that a = curve coefficient 1, b = curve coefficient 2 and c = curve coefficient 3.

Now I had never actually calculated a sample concentration before but I had remembered reading that and knew how to solve a quadratic equation and so when my manager asked if I wanted to do a linear or quadratic one, I said that I would do a quadratic one. Well, my answer came out wrong. I was shocked! My manager said, that's okay it will just go as a finding and you will all have to write a math quiz. I didn't think it was okay at all. I was puzzled as to how I could have gotten this wrong. So I took some calibration and sample data home with me to work on because I couldn't just let this sit.

Well, it didn't take long for me to discover what my problem had been. The SOP is wrong! Ha! I knew it couldn't have been me. Where is said that a = curve coefficient 1, it should be a = curve coefficient 3 and c = curve coefficient 1. I emailed my manager the next morning at work. I didn't hear anything from her, but I am hoping that she makes the correction in her audit findings. If she doesn't I will point it out to her again.

I bet we will still probably have to write a math quiz though. They like to make us do things like that.

Optical Emission Spectroscopy

2009-06-13T18:10:00.000-07:00

Since I was looking for a post to make, I thought that I would share the theory behind what I do at work.

The instrument I work on is called an Inductively Coupled Plasma Optical Emission Spectrometer (ICP-OES). First, plasma is a state of matter where the atoms are highly ionized. Which means that they have lost most or all of their electrons. So plasma is a mixture of positive ions and free electrons. An inductively coupled plasma is a plasma that is generated using an alternating magnetic field, which is produced by an alternating electric field, which, in my case is produced by a radio frequency generator. Our plasma is made from argon gas. The plasma has a temperature between 6000-10000K. That is as hot as the surface of the sun! The plasma is normally a green-white colour. But sometimes when I get a sample that has high concentrations of certain metals, the plasma turns all kinds of neat colours.

What happens with my instrument is that when the sample makes contact with the plasma, it is super heated. The electrons in the atoms get excited and jump to the next energy level, but then almost right away they fall back down to their original energy level. When they do that, they release a photon. The photon has a wavelength characteristic with a certain type of metal and energy level. There is a photo detector that detects the photons. The concentration of metal in any given sample is calculated from the intensity of the photons of a given wavelength picked up by the photo detector. That's the optical emission spectroscopy part.

It's all very interesting. I especially like that the theory is stuff that I learned in school! Optical emission spectroscopy is used to help classify stars. Newer generations of stars tend to be made up of larger amounts of heavier metals (a metal in astronomy being anything heavier then helium). One can look at the spectrum coming off of the star and determine what concentration of what elements are present in the star.

At least I have a job, I guess

2009-05-28T18:22:00.000-07:00

Well it happened. We had a meeting at work today. To discuss changes in the compensation and bonus package. We have a salary freeze until at least March 2010 and promotions will only be on a need basis. I know that I am lucky to have a job where there have not yet been any threat of layoffs, but still. I have worked my tail off since the first day I worked there and was totally on track for a promotion to Analyst II this August, and now I get nothing. I have to stay as an Analyst I making the same amount of money that I have made since I was hired. It sucks to have to work so hard just so that you can keep your job. Maxxam was such an inviting company because of all of the incentive programs and possibility for advancement, but now that is all gone. It just stinks.

On a brighter note, we still get our bonus. But this is the last year for that program.

Twilight

2009-04-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

I tried so hard not to give in. Really I tried. And technically, I did not give in. I stumbled upon it. It found me really.

Ah Twilight...

So Jon and I were babysitting. Jon suggested renting a movie. She wanted to rent Twilight. So I watched and loved, and then purchased the first two books. I am almost done the first book. I'm rather enthralled. I'm planning on only reading the first two and then waiting until I read the third and fourth, but I am not sure that that plan is going to work.

That is one good thing about having a long bus ride to and from work, I get lots of time to read.

2009-04-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

Edward: Do you want a ride to Seattle?
Bella: With who?
Edward: Myself, obviously.
Bella: Why?
Edward: Well, I was planning on going to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it.
Bella: My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern.
Edward: But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?
Bella: I don't see how that is any of your business.
Edward: The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business.

~Bella and Edward
Twilight

The Guild

2009-04-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

Now the universe will definitly collapse in on itself.

I decided that I wasn't going to turn the t.v on today, Jon is at an archery tournament and it is way to cold outside to go and do anything outside, so what does that translate into... blogging. Also, apparently watching a web series that I have been meaning to watch for a while. It so does not count as watching t.v.

Anyways, so today I decided to watch The Guild. It's a web series about gamers who are in a guild together. It's excellent. Each episode is only 3-9 minutes long. Completely geeky and free! I recommend it.

Dollhouse

2009-04-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

This February came the much anticipated premiere of Dollhouse, a new show by Joss Whedon. We all remember his previous work- Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Serenity and Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. I went down to Red Deer for the premiere to meet up with my geek girls, Jill and Janet.

We now find ourselves just 2 episodes away from the season and quite likely series finale. I've enjoyed the show. It is not as different as his previous shows, but still enjoyable. I think the aspect that has made Joss' previous works more successful, which this one lacks, is his ability to write amazing characters. Most of the main characters are people who have had thier personalities wiped and have new personalities inserted in them. So you are not really getting to know a character because they play someone different every week. But aside from that it is a good show. I'll buy the series when it comes out and then be sad that there isn't any more of it.

2009-04-25T11:04:00.001-07:00

So when I visit people's blog who have a link to my blog and it says that I haven't posted in like 5 months, I feel so disheartened. How do you come back after being gone for so long? Should I even try to start this again?

Since I last posted...

Jon and I have been living in our condo for almost five months now. We love it. Owning your own place is fantastic. The part that I really enjoy is noticing things that I would like to change and then knowing that one day I might actually be able to make those changes.

Work is going wonderfully well. I have moved into the Metals Lab and am now working on one of the ICP-OESs (that's Optical Emission Spectroscopy using an Inductively Coupled Plasma). It is much more of a challenge then working on the PC Titrate. The data reporting is a lot more involved. I also had a totally awesome yearly progress review. I exceed expectations.

I've read some excellent books lately:

1) Evolution by Stephen Baxter- This is a fictional story that traces the lineage of the human species starting with a proto-primate that was around 65 million years ago with the dinosaurs and ends 500 million years into the future. It is epic in it's time span but at each time period it focuses in on one character who was slightly different then the others around them and thus helped evolution in it's course.

2) The World Without Us by Alan Weisman- This book looks at the impact that humans have on the world around us and speculates what would happen to Earth if humans suddenly vanished but left our entire infrastructure in place. I found this book quite troublesome, but also optimistic.

3) The Daily Planet Book of Cool Ideas by Jay Ingram- I enjoyed this book. It takes a look at what people are doing to help combat climate change. Some of the ideas have wide spread, global implications. But some are just from average people doing what they can to try to lessen their impact on our wonderful planet. This book is extra special to me because Jon got it for me for my birthday, without me asking for it. We sometimes watch Daily Planet together and he saw the ads for it and then saw it in the store and thought that I might like it because I'm "all into the planet and stuff".

4) The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene- This is about String Theory, one of physics latest attempts to unite the four fundamental forces of the universe. This book is not for the faint of heart. Understanding the basic qualitative aspects of String Theory requires an open mind and a willingness to see the universe differently from how you were taught to see it.

There are two major events coming to my family in to next while. The first will be the birth of my niece sometime around the end of July. I am planning a trip to Ontario sometime in August to meet her. The next is Jeremy's wedding in March 2010. After 5 years of dating, Jeremy finally proposed to Kim at Christmas time. So that is another trip to Ontario! I personally just want to move there. It would save all the hassle and environmental impact of flying.

My best friend in the whole world, Danielle, is in China right now. She is there for at least a year teaching English. She has been there for a month. This is something that Danielle has talked about doing for years. I am proud of her for doing it. I am hoping to visit her in January.

Vacation time is one of the fabulous things about working in a full time, permanent position. This August will mark the first time that I have worked for a company full time for a whole year. It feels good. I do still struggle with seeing this is as a career type of a job. I like the idea that if I wanted to I could be there for many years to come. I like the stability of that. But I don't think I am being used to my full potential. I know that they can see at least part of it, otherwise they would not have given me the position I have now. I don't really think there is a position there that could use me to my full potential. I guess that sounds kind of smug of me, but it's the truth. I suppose that is the norm though. The world would most certainly not be in the state it is in if everyone was used to their full potential.

This year I am participating in the Mother's Day Walk/Run for the Stollery Children's Hospital. Work has a team put together and I decided that I should do it. I was really hoping that it would motivate me to get back into running. But it really hasn't. I will be surprised if I even break 30min on my 5km. I guess I am just not used to running by myself. I always ran with a team and a coach there cracking the whip. I wish I had some motivation because I really do miss it.

I wrote a macro at work. I hadn’t written any code for about 4 years and hadn’t used visual basic for 9. I was surprised at how easily it came back to me. I have discovered that I really do like programming. It is a satisfying challenge. So much fun to watch your code work in the end.

So that is really all I have to say. Maybe sometime soon I will find a topic to write about and actually write about it instead of all the other things I thought worthy of a blog post that never made it.

Tomorrow is moving day!!!

2008-11-27T14:56:00.000-08:00

The boxes are (almost) packed, the papers are signed and tomorrow we will be getting the keys to our new home! I am so excited!! After all of the really awful experiences I have had over the last few years with renting, I am so glad that we are no longer renting. Buying a home was definitly an interesting experience. There were a lot of ups and downs, nervous and happy moments.

I am so happy to be leaving the ghetto behind. I think, in fact, that I can altogether avoid the entire north-central part of Edmonton for the rest of forever. I wouldn't mind not ever having to come back to this part of town. Maybe I will even start liking Edmonton again. If I can just make myself forget about what Edmonton is really like...

Honestly Now...

2008-11-25T16:02:00.000-08:00

...people need to do their jobs properly.

I would say more, but that might lead to backlash and at the current moment I can't take backlash. Maybe I'll elaborate later on, but don't hold your breath because I will probably forget about elaborating by tomorrow.

GROSS

2008-11-20T18:54:00.000-08:00

Some days at work I am absolutely amazed and sickened by the samples that I process. The water and "soil" samples that I process from things like refineries are gross. I mean how could a sample labeled "sump sludge" not make an environmentalist's stomach turn? This is stuff that humans are producing on a daily basis and its just there, there really isn't a whole lot that you can do about it once you produce it. Are gigantic trucks and 5000 sq. ft. homes really worth it?

No more renting and bye bye sat paste

2008-11-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

Two very exciting things have happened in the last week.

First, a couple of weeks ago Jon and I put an offer in on a condo. Our offer was excepted and on Friday we signed the papers for our mortgage!! I am so super excited:) Our possession date is Nov. 28. I can't wait to not be renting.

Second, I have been moved to a new group at work. I am now working on one of the PC Titrators. I will be pH and EC testing for soil and pH, EC, alkalinity and fluoride testing for water. I started training yesterday. I am excited about this because the titrator is mine. I am the only one who will be responsible for my titrator and all of the samples that are given my test codes, whereas in my old group there were 10 of us who were responsible for the samples we were given. Also, I get to work Monday to Friday! No more weekends!

Okay...

2008-10-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

...So maybe I am rubbing it in. The NDP isn't even the party that I voted for (Go Green), but my socialistic nature just can't get over it. I had to check the standings again to make sure that I didn't make a blog post about a dream.

Apparently Mr. Jaffer has not yet conceded the riding to Ms. Duncan. There is currently an official validation under way, which apparently could take a couple of days. Mr. Jaffer is waiting until that is over to concede. A validation is something that naturally occurs when the race is so tight, but I think he is just being a sore loser.

Do you think this means that the university students actually got out and voted?

Well, whatever it was. It feels good.

2008-10-15T20:03:00.001-07:00

To: Mr. Ultra-Conservative-Redneck who lives next door to my inlaws,

The Ultra-Ultra-Socialist-Hippies have spoken.

Your time has passed.

Have a good night!

Are you kidding me?...

2008-10-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

Am I reading this right?

Last night when I went to bed I had thoughts of "what was the point of this?".

At that point the Conservatives had a minority and had swept Alberta.

I woke up to more election coverage.

They scrolled through the results by province.

I noticed something...

Conservative- 27, NDP- 1

WHAT???

I was shocked, I thought "could it be, my riding, the NDP finally did what they have been so close to doing for so long?"

I looked it up, and it was!!!

Linda Duncan- 20,076 Rahim Jaffer- 19,634 (courtesy cbc.ca)

There is hope in Alberta...

Today is the day folks...

2008-10-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

Get out and

VOTE

So I haven't grown

2008-10-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

Today, being Monday, I have the day off. I am doing laundry and cleaning. It is a little chilly in the apartment because I left the windows open last night. I decided that I needed to wear an old, raggy sweater. I couldn't find my UofA sweater, so I dug out my elementary school grad sweater. When I put it on I realized how absolutely ridiculous it is that I can still wear a sweater that I got 12 years ago when I was 12 years old. It's not like I am 32 and wearing my old university sweater. I am 24 and wearing my old elementary school sweater. It still fits, just a little big. Although, in my defense, I have gained about 35lbs since then, so it must have been really big when I got it.

Influenced

2008-10-01T20:56:00.001-07:00

This morning on my bus ride to work I was thinking about a conversation I recently had at work with the twins (twin girls my age who were hired at the same time as me) about how we decided which party to vote for. They said that they do not really follow politics and in the last election voted for the same party as their parents. I said that I have not been influenced by my parents because I vote Green (except in my second election where Jack Layton visited my riding the week before the election day and there was a small chance that the NDP might take my riding, very small chance, it was stifled after 3 polling stations reported. I thought I was being good by voting strategically. I'll never do that again. But I digress) and this was the first election that my Dad was considering voting Green. I was thinking I was being all independent and such.

Well, a memory came flooding back this morning on the bus. It was 1993 (or maybe it was 1997. The year doesn't really matter). This was the year that I was first becoming more aware of the fact that the government was formed during an election. I even watched the results with my parents. My family was driving along the road that divides Vancouver from one of it's suburbs, Burnaby, and I saw a sign advertising the Green Party. I asked my Dad what that was all about. He told me they were a group that believed in supporting the environment. I thought that was a novel concept. I liked the outdoors and therefore liked the idea of supporting the environment. Later that night he went onto the new and wonderful "internet" and printed off some literature on the Green Party. I remember being fascinated and thinking that when I was old enough to vote I would vote for the Green Party. Up until this morning I was convinced that my parents had not influenced my political views. I was wrong. That's all right though, since I love and respect my parents.

It always amazes me how memories work.

VOTE

2008-10-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

Remember, we are less then two weeks away...

VOTE

The French Debate

2008-10-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

Ah the debates...

The French debate was tonight, for those of you who missed it. I found it interesting enough, better then past debates. I like the round table formate better then the podiums. Was that the formate for the last federal debates? I missed them last time.

The point I enjoyed most was one made by Ms. May and Mr. Layton when they were talking about crime and they said that Mr. Harper has broken some of his own legislation and followed others. What kind of an example is that for Canadians, who are supposed to follow all laws, when the government is deciding which of it's own laws it follows.

Harper's answers to all the questions on health care, I thought, were weak. His response of- we have legislation to cooperate with the provinces- for all of the questions were non descriptive at best.

I liked the fact that Ms. May was able to keep her emotions in check. You know, the excitement that must come with being in your first national debate combined with her usual amounts of passion whenever she is speaking, I was worried that she might get a little carried away. But she stayed out of the squabbles for the most part and made her points clearly and decisively.

Overall, things seemed to be more in control. In the past I can recall coming out of debates completely exhausted and less clear on party platforms. This time wasn't as confusing. This may be because I was watching the French debate dubbed over with English and perhaps for the most part they only dubbed the person who was supposed to be speaking. Can someone who watched it in French clarify this for me?

Unfortunately I will miss the English debate because I have a previous commitment. I'm sure it will be shown again.

Ultra Conservatives

2008-09-30T20:34:00.001-07:00

I recently found myself in a conversation with a person who is quite possibly the most ultra conservative, redneck, I have ever met. He is Jon's parent's neighbour. He claims he sleeps with a gun under his pillow. I believe it.

Anyways, politics came up, as they do around these times and somewhere along the line I called Stephen Harper a war mongerer. Then he said the US went into Afghanistan to free the people from the Taliban. I said, no it was because they were mad about 9/11 and gave the people what they wanted, which was blood. He agreed (or at least said he agreed) on that point. I thought I was making gains. Then he called the Liberals a bunch of ultra socialists who's socialist ideas would ruin the economic fabric of the country. At that point I gave up. I realized it was a hopeless cause. I considered, but then rejected, the idea of mentioning that the Liberals are actually in the middle of the Canadian political landscape for fear that his head might explode if he was informed about the crazy ideas of the actual socialist party(ies) in Canada.

I think that was a worse case of ultra conservatism then when I was told that the NDP are a bunch of communists, who would take away my choice to be Christian, during the recent provincial election.

Why do so many Salvationists vote Conservative? I mean I can understand the Catholics backing the Conservatives, but why do so many Salvationists peddle the Conservatives?

I need to post something

2008-09-30T17:58:00.000-07:00

I have had all of these ideas, that I think would make good blog posts, over the past few weeks, and have not gotten around to posting them. One thing about working and not being in school is that I don't have homework to be distracted from. That is when most of my posts occurred, when I was stuck on a physics/math problem and needed a break. Now I don't have that and lately, t.v. has been far to interesting. Which is another problem. I need to cut back. I keep saying that I need to do some PDE's but then I do like two problems and stop, even though I have been wanting to further my knowledge of them for quite some time. I just need to get back into it. Watching t.v is way to easy.

Work is going really well. We have been getting busy. Two weeks ago we were super busy because one of our clients was involved in an oil spill up north. I guess it wasn't big enough to make the news though because I don't recall seeing anything (people are free to correct me if they heard anything). I can't imagine how busy it would be if there was a make-the-news sized spill. I wonder how often there is a spill that the public never hears about. I keep getting more things to be responsible for, which I think is a good sign. I really like and respect both my supervisor and the senior chemist. Life is good for me when I respect the people above me in a job.

Being married is still the best thing ever. It has it's challenges, but they are welcomed challenges. Jon is past the half way mark for school. He is counting down the days.

Danielle (best friend ever) is coming to visit in just over a month. She will be our first guest since Susan stayed over for the first couple of nights while the power situation was being resolved with her apartment. Danielle and I are planning a trip to Jasper and the Columbian Ice Fields. I can't wait!

I did actually topics of interest to post about and when I remember them, if they are still relevant, I will post them.

Elections, elections

2008-09-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.greenparty.ca/

A Racer Daemon Night

2008-08-23T20:57:00.001-07:00

Last night was a great night as we said goodbye to Glenna (headed back to Saskatoon for vet school) and Vani (off to India to help organize the customer service section of her dad's company) Racer Daemon style. Glenna, Vani, Tim, Natasha and I met up at Glenna's house for games night. We started playing Racer Daemon and ended up playing all night. The game went back and forth on the way to 200 points. Glenna and I both got off to a slow start (possibly abysmal for Glenna), Tim was dominating, Natasha and Vani were playing steady. But at the half way mark, I left Glenna behind and started my climb to the top. Vani was still playing fairly steadily. Vani and I knocked off Tim and started to leave the others behind. Before long Vani and I were out classing the rest and approaching the finish very quickly. The score was Vani- 185 and Me- 171. Then I had the most amazing round of my life. The score was then Vani 191- and Me- 194. The last round was so tense. In the end, Vani took it. The round I had previously, Vani had at that point. We truly out classed the rest of our competitors for what was possibly the best game of Racer Daemon ever.

We also had a discussion about the probability of shuffling the deck in the correct order, as previously defined as the right order before shuffling. We came to the conclusion that it would be 1/52! (that's factorial, not an exclamation mark). We figured in some correction factors, which at most would have changed the order of magnitude by one, possibly two and so we discounted them as 52! is a number rather larger then a few orders of magnitude. Thus the probability is very small. Approximately zero. Since there have not been that many card shuffles in the history of card shuffling, it has likely never happened. Vani made a very good point that it has the same chance of happening as any order that is shuffled randomly has of occurring. She is correct, however by saying that you want to accomplish that order, makes it the correct order and thus you can attach the probability to it. It then becomes the order with the lowest amount of entropy. And as we all know, things with low entropy are very difficult to achieve randomly.

My husband is so classy...

2008-08-23T20:41:00.001-07:00

Not to worry though, I do believe I recall Jill saying "okay Jon now it is time for a nice one" or something to that effect.

Jon starts school on Monday:) While it will be slightly difficult with the lose of half of his income, I am looking forward to him being in school. Apparently at some point in their apprenticeship electricians have to learn calculus. I am personally hoping that it is this round of school (I need an excuse to practice my skills), but I am thinking it will probably not be until the next one.

I actually have a hankering to do some calculus right now. Is that strange? I actually dug out my old textbook a few times in the last month before the wedding. It was nice. I think I will go do some more right now.

Results, delightful results

2008-08-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I like most about working at Maxxam compared to Cornerstone is the fact that we get results. You do the tests, you get the results. At Cornerstone we would do whatever we could, but still they fail their drug tests, get picked up by the cops or just don't show up for curfew. Even the ones whom you think you have helped always, eventually end up right back where they were before they started at Cornerstone. Soil is so much easier to deal with. People are just complicated. I feel so much more at peace with myself knowing that when I go to work, I will not be dealing with the very sad things that I have had to find out in the last year.

I think that recently I have seen and heard to much. The stories I have heard from the women who live at Cornerstone are sometimes heartbreaking. On a couple of occasions I have gotten to close, expected to much, celebrated to early, only to have them fall. Drugs are a much better companion.

I have learned a lot though, my time working at Cornerstone and on the Winter Relief program was definitly not wasted time. I am more greatful, for many things then every before. But I am relieved to be finished with it.

I was definitly meant to be a scientist.

It's a real post, not just a picture

2008-08-14T16:21:00.001-07:00

The "official" wedding pictures may or may not be up on my facebook soon. Just wait folks.

My new job is going very well. I like it. My group does drying and grinding, saturation pastes, pH testing, extractions and electrical conductivity testing. It is not the most difficult work, but it is better then other jobs I have had. The group that I am is apparently the group that everyone starts in and then, if they choose to continue with Maxxam, they move on from there.

I was thinking today about how glad I am that I am not working reception anymore. I am not saying anything down about receptionists, it is just not my kind of work. I don't see a single client all day long. I have not had to deal with a client/customer since I have started at Maxxam. It is very nice. I guess I am really not a customer service type of a person. Obviously in the job that I am in we have to practice good customer service by getting accurate and timely results, but I do not have to deal directly with them. It is such a nice feeling to know that when I go to work I am not going to have to deal with that stuff anymore.

Jon wanted me to talk about him in this post. He is going back to school in 9 days. I like it when he is in school, his days are shorter.

Being married is still the best thing ever.

A great shot

2008-08-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

This photo comes courtesy of Lindsay. It is one of my favorite ones.

Yes, married now

2008-08-06T21:41:00.001-07:00

The wedding was fantastic. I don't know why some brides get so nervous. The only time I was slightly nervous was waiting to walk down the aisle. But once my music started, I was good to go. And, yes, only I would have a wedding party that is cool enough to scale a monument for an awesome picture. It was Carol's idea.

The day went off without a hitch. I have such an amazing family who did so much work to make sure the day went off without a hitch. I am very lucky to have such an awesome family. It was a very good day for me.

Being married is awesome. I'm glad Jon doesn't have to go home at night anymore because he is home. It is also very nice living with someone who is family again. It has been a long time.

I don't think that I could be happier.

A Gift

2008-07-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

Some news

2008-07-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

I also have some news. I will be starting a new job when I get back from the honeymoon. I have accepted a position with a company called Maxxam Analytics. They are the largest privately owned, analytical laboratory company in North America. They do analysis in environmental, petroleum, air, ultra trace and specialty analysis, food and DNA, paternity and drug testing services. Specifically, the lab in Edmonton does soil sample analysis. I will be working as an Analyst in the Inorganic Soil Preparation group.

I am very pleased and very relieved. I had applied to Maxxam and had an interview at their job fair before I started with DHQ and then another interview shortly after. The job fair I guess didn't work out, but that was okay because they were just hiring for sample sorters and such. The second interview was for an analyst in the Organic Volatiles group and seemed to be going well, up until the point I said I would need to have half of July off and I was told that was their busiest time and that would not be possible, so that didn't work out. But I guess they kept my name on file because on Tuesday I got an email offering me this other job. I couldn't say no. I have been praying and hoping for a job with this company for a while. They seem like a really good company to work for based on the info they have regarding their principles and values and their performance and development. We seem to agree on those things. This job is only temporary until the end of 2008, but I am told there is possibility of an extension or a permanent position becoming available. I will just have to dazzle them with my awesomeness to show them that they want to keep me around.

This job seems like a good step forward. Recently I came to the realization that I had been taking jobs that I didn't really want, but seemed slightly better then the one I had before. Two summers ago I took the job at Tim Hortons because it paid better then Shoppers. Recently I took the job at DHQ because it seemed better then the kitchen at the ARC and then I was going to apply to a payroll job at the ARC to escape DHQ. When I was looking at the job description for that one, that is when I came to my realization. I was sad. But not a week after admitting this to myself, I was offered a job that I wanted. Amazing how those things work.

It has been a while since I have done any chemistry. I am going to have to dig out the old textbook and do some reading on the drive to and from Ontario.

I now have a job in a science position and I couldn't be happier.

Two Weeks

2008-07-05T18:26:00.001-07:00

The big day is two weeks away! There is still so much to do before we leave for Ontario in a week. Mostly, we have to clean the apartment, get Jon's stuff moved in and pack. All three of those will be chores in themselves. I can not believe that it is only two weeks away. The whole thing feels so surreal.

Question: Why do weddings make some people not think straight? How can I offend people I don't even know by not inviting them to a wedding for two people they don't even know? I'm sorry, but meeting me as a baby and then not making an attempt at communication for 23 years does not mean that you know me and does not warrant an invitation to my wedding. Adults are confusing sometimes.

My dress finally came back from alterations... after 4 and a half months with only 2 and a half weeks to spare... that was a relief.

2008-07-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

A question...

2008-07-04T07:08:00.001-07:00

Why is it that when there is a major political crisis going on somewhere in the world, CBC always chooses to interview the diplomat to Canada for that country? A few mornings ago, CBC had an interview with the Zimbabwe diplomate to Canada. Why? They never tell the truth. They are always going to side with their countries current government. Possibly because they believe in them, or because they don't want to lose their jobs. There is no point in the diplomat interview. In doing an interview like that, it almost seems to me that CBC is saying, see it isn't really that bad, just relax Canada. It's just another form of Mugambe propaganda and it is shamful that CBC is participating in it.

Leaving for Ontario in 2 weeks...

2008-06-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

Jon and I are leaving to drive down to Ontario in two weeks. Craziness!!!! I can't wait until we get there. I can't wait to see those two lovely folks pictured above, my Mom and Dad. I also can't wait to see the rest of my family. Well, the ones that will be there that is. I can't wait to see Danielle, my maid of honor and her parents, whom I haven't seen in so long. I can't wait to meet the rest of Jon's family, whom I haven't met. I can't wait to see all of my university friends who moved to Ontario a few years past. It is going to be so much fun.

I can't wait for the drive down. I haven't made that drive in a very long time. We are going the Northern Ontario route, so it should be interesting. Thankfully one of Jon's buddies is driving with us as he is taking a trip to Hamilton, so we will have another driver.

Then in three weeks is the wedding. Insane. I haven't lived with family in a very long time. It will be totally different living with someone who is involved in my life, as opposed to a roommate, where we each come and go as we please. I am so ready for that. I have missed it a great deal.