Sunday, November 27, 2011

http://news.advocate.com/post/13324191023/possibly-the-most-beautiful-ad-for-marriage-equality

Even though most days I currently think marriage is a big sham, this is something that I believe strongly in.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Robert J. Sawyer

"I had a frustrating conversation today but now I'm reading a Robert J. Sawyer book and my faith in rational thinking is being reaffirmed." (That's something that I tweeted a couple of months ago and Robert J. Sawyer actually retweeted it, which I didn't actually discover until a couple of weeks later and made me totally excited.)

Last night, I had the privilege of seeing Robert J. Sawyer give a talk at McMaster University. I also got meet him afterwards! I was a complete inarticulate dork. I can't make small talk in regular circumstances and this was far from a regular circumstance.

If you read my blog, you might have seen me mention him a couple of times here before. The first Robert J. Sawyer book that I read was The Terminal Experiment. It was assigned reading for the Comparative Lit class that I took as one of my arts options in university. My room mate at the time was a huge fan of his and had tried to get me to read some of his books, but I never did until I had to for class. I will admit, I was a hard core sci fi snob and did not want anything to do with "new age" science fiction. I read The Terminal Experiment and loved it. Shortly after that I read The Neanderthal Parallax and Factoring Humanity and loved all four of those books. I was hooked. I have devoured almost all of his books in the nearly 7 years that has passed since I took that class. He very quickly became one of my favorite authors.

I grew up in a rather religious house, my parents being ministers and all, but I have always been drawn to science. My parents did an excellent job of encouraging this. However not everyone I have encountered over the years have been as open minded to this science business. I have had a lot of frustrating conversations in my life. Some which left me rather hurt and offended. For me, Robert J. Sawyer's books have always been a reaffirmation and haven for rational thinking. The science in his books is fantastic, but it has always been the logic and open minded ideas that he presents that have kept me coming back. His books have been one of the things that have helped me to see that the ideas that I have are okay to think. I tend to agree with the majority of the opinions expressed by his characters. His writing has played an important part in helping me be the person I am today.

(Given all of that, how could I have possibly said anything to him? I don't understand how people can talk to someone they admire so greatly.)

Robert J. Sawyer is a highly entertaining and engaging speaker. Unlike me, he is very articulate and seems to genuinely enjoy interacting with his fans. If you ever have the chance to see him speak, do so. And of course, read his books. It doesn't matter which one you start with, they are all fantastic.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Nightwish is Back!!

A couple of days ago, Nightwish released the first single from their new album Imaginaerum. The single is called Storytime. I love it!! The album is being released in North America on January 10. I am so excited for this album. There hasn't been a new Nightwish album for almost 5 years. It has been a long wait. Nightwish was the first symphonic metal band that I was introduced to. They are the ones that started it all for me. They showed me that there is amazing music in this world.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Dark Souls

I have been playing Dark Souls, I am not nearly close to being finished it yet, but I thought that I would share with you all what my thoughts on it are so far.

This is an incredibly oppressive game. Much more so then my usual game. It's not like you can just stroll into a town and visit an inn and be all safe and what not. The only safe havens I have come across so far, and the only ones in the game as far as I know, are the bonfires. You can heal and level up at them. But you fight like hell to get to them. I know that I have had enough when I really don't want to leave a bonfire. That is the point when I turn the game off. But then I am left thinking about it for a long time afterwards. The game is really gritty looking, which I feel adds to the atmosphere really well.

This game punishes your mistakes. Early on, I made the mistake of trying to kill an NPC who I felt was a little rude. It was right by a bonfire. That was a mistake. Not only did he kill me, but every time I respawned, he jumped up from his seat, ran over to me and proceeded to kill me again. Over and over and over. I tried everything, but I was not nearly high enough level and so I felt my only option was to start the game over again. That's what I did.

I love how you do not have to carry a fucking torch with you. I hate that game play mechanic. I find carrying a torch stupid and unnecessary. I am perfectly willing to accept that either my character can see in the dark or that her light source is somewhere other then being held in her hand taking away her slot for her shield.

I feel like every time I make it some where in the game, that I have accomplished something. The game is hard and it feels good to make progress in it.

I really like the controls. I have heard complaints about them, but I feel the set up works really well for me.

I would recommend this game, but probably not to everyone. I think you have to have a bit of a masochistic (did I actually spell that word right? I couldn't imagine that I did, but my spell checker is not refuting it) personality to play it. Which, given that I stuck it through a physics degree, I have already proven that I do.
So, I don't feel in my last post, that I stressed enough how much better it is now. I think that as I was living in all of the shit, that I slowly become accustomed to things getting progressively more horrible and so I didn't realize quite how bad it was. Things like knowing that the money I just got paid is still going to be in my bank account tomorrow because I haven't spent it. Being able to buy groceries and thus knowing where my next meal is going to come from. Having myself and my cats living someplace safe, where we are not under threat of being kicked out. Not being at work and wondering if I am going to get a phone call with another crisis happening that I have to leave work for. Not being spun in one direction and then the other. Not being told lies about people I trusted and loosing friends over those lies just so that he could isolate me more and make me think that I had no one to turn to. I am my own person now and I control my life (PS, that is just a statement and not the beginnings of a philosophical debate on predestination or other such crap).

I have actually started talking to a few people at work. A couple of them work evening shift, so I only see them for like 15 minutes at a time, but still. Also, one of them recently got transferred to a different department in a different building for an unforeseeable amount of time. Which made me kind of sad when he told me this. Things are progressing slowly on the making friends front, but they are progressing none the less. My world is becoming less lonely.

I am also really happy to be blogging again and to be back on twitter. I feel like stopping those, was one of the first points of my isolation. I love blogging and tweeting, it's so much fun. Who doesn't want to have the contents of their brain spewed on the internet for random strangers to read? Although, I am really happy that there are about a million other people with my name (I am however not happy about the fact that there are a million people with a certain person's name with whom I tried, but failed at social media creeping because of it) because it makes it hard for people to social media creep me. As much as I like doing it to people at work, I don't know how much I would like for work people to find my blog. Which, I suppose some people would take as an argument for me not putting stuff up on here, but I have tried to find myself and I do not come up anywhere near the top in a google search. And none of them know LefthandedSocks, so I feel that it is okay. And if they do find me, oh well, I suppose they learn about what happened. Which really wouldn't be the end of the world, divorce being so common place these days and all. This is a really useless paragraph.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Now it has been five months. I was thinking it was six, but it's just five. It seems like a lot longer then that. It seems like another life.

I am definitely not as angry as I was about the whole situation. I have been able to let a lot of that go. (I think Dark Souls is doing the job that I hoped that it would do. Because video games are awesome)

Life really is about the choices that we make. He chose to lie. I understand that compulsive lying is a thing. But you still have to chose to tell the lie. I have had to overcome compulsions my entire life so that I can function in society. It has taken a lot of work for me to get to where I am today from where I came from as a child. He is choosing not to do that. I don't know where he is today or what he is doing, but I really hope he is getting help. For his sake and for the sake of the next person he brings into his life.

This time last year, I can remember exactly what was going on because this is when all of the stuff really started happening. His mistakes started coming to the surface and he couldn't hide them anymore. It really does seem like a different life. I look back and I just can not believe that was my life and that was me. Because it wasn't me and it wasn't the life that I am supposed to be living. It is so much better now. I can't express how thankful I am that I left and that I had somewhere to go.

Forgiveness is something I am approaching. I am not quite there yet. But the idea of it no longer seems like the end point of a vertical asymptote and me the function approaching it. Mostly, I feel sorry for him. A person can't constantly be destroying their life and the lives of the people around them.

I can see
When you stay low nothing happens
Does it feel right?
Late at night
Things I thought I'd put behind me
Haunt my mind
I just know there's no escape
Now once it sets it's eyes on you
But I wont run,
Have to stare it in the eye
Stand my ground, I wont give in
No more denying, I've got to face it
Wont close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will
Stand my ground
It's all around
Getting stronger, coming closer
Into my world
I can feel
That it's time for me to face it
Can I take it?
Though this might just be the ending
Of the life I held so dear
But I wont run,
There's no turning back from here
All I know for sure is I'm trying
I will always stand my ground

~ Stand My Ground by Within Temptation

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Zachary Quinto is kind of awesome

This is a link to the blog post that he wrote for when he came out. Do yourself a favor and read it, it is beautifully written.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Recently, this was one of my friend's facebook statuses.
"____ thinks you're still one of the 99%. I work hard and live modestly, too, and I generally don't have a lot to worry about. But the possibility that one small thing could completely reverse all the security and hope a person has in his/her life is enough to make me really fucking mad. It could happen to you. It could happen to me. It's already happened to countless people, both strangers and friends. We should be working together to destroy the entities that manufacture and perpetuate this particular brand of bullshit. It's not about laziness or finding a scapegoat--it's about giving half a fuck for ourselves and the people we share this planet with."
She has always spoken up and fought for what she believes in. Until recently her and her husband were living in a place where that was not an easy thing. For that, I admire her greatly and wish that I could be as articulate as she is.

I wonder if the Occupy protests will lead anywhere? I certainly hope that they do. Socialism needs a voice politically in the United States, and elsewhere. It makes me happy that there are so many people who are standing up for what they believe in. It's so important that we have a voice and perhaps one day, changes will be made to the system. Perhaps one day people will give a fuck about other people. That would be nice.

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.
What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.
What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh
How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

~ Dear Mr. President by P!nk

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Marriage

In light of recent events in my life, I am starting to look at marriage in a very different light. I used to think that marriage is what two people used to show that they were committed to each other, but why do you need marriage. Can't two people be just as committed to each other and not be married or the opposite, be married but not committed to each other. If I hadn't been married, I would have left the relationship long before I did. It was a crappy relationship, even before shit started hitting the fan. But I stayed because I was married. I had a wedding, we said stuff and made commitments to each other. Commitments which, on his part, turned out to be just lies. Why is that necessary? What's so great about a ceremony and a piece of paper? I am definitely out of the marriage camp and I would, in the very least, encourage people to live together for a while before they get married. I no longer think that marriage means commitment. Marriage is just words and words are wind. The relationship is what matters more.

Monday, October 03, 2011

Spoiler Alert- Dance with Dragons

Warning, this contains spoilers for Dance with Dragons by George R. R. Martin.

I finished Dance with Dragons on Sunday. Where to begin? I was looking forward to this book a lot before it came out. I started reading the series about a year ago when someone I worked with introduced it to me. I fell in love with the series from the first book. The second and third were also amazing and made me want to keep reading more and dive right into the fourth book. However, that is where the brick wall happened. But I made it through the fourth book, despite it not having the three characters that I cared about the most and despite pretty much nothing happening. I was excited to start Dance with Dragons because those three characters were supposed to be featured in it and I thought, surely with all the set up work done in the fourth book that this one will be nothing but action packed. Boy was I wrong. I could understand the first part of the book being slow because he needed to set stuff up for the characters who weren't in the last one, but once the rest of the characters started showing up again, I expected things to start happening. But nothing happened. I got to the end of the book and thought surely there must be more, even though I had just finished nearly 1000 pages. In the first three books, he did such a good job of quickly setting up events and then having the shit hit the fan. But since then, he has gone through almost 2000 pages and 5 years of nothing happening. The sixth book better be exploding with shit, otherwise it might have been the second biggest waste of my time.

So, the one thing that did happen, left me really angry. As I said, there are three characters that I actually care about (and this is three out of about one hundred) - Arya, Dany and Jon. Of course he had to go and kill Jon. And it wasn't even a good death, it was horrible. Stabbed in the back by his own men. My only hope is that he transferred himself into Ghost. I am assuming that was the point of the prologue. Ghost better be kicking some Night's Watch ass in the sixth book. Or in the very least, meeting up with either Summer or Nymeria. The letter that Jon got in the end, I can't decide if it was just a ploy by the Night's Watch, or if Bolten did actually defeat Stannis. But then why wouldn't he have Theon? How would Theon have escaped that?

Speaking of Theon; another reason I currently hate GRRM is because he made me sympathize with Theon, despite what he did. I can understand why he did what he did in the third book. He never felt like he belonged anywhere and all he wanted was his father's approval. It doesn't justify what he did, but I can understand it. He has paid a really terrible price for what he has done. I hope that he gets his vengeance in the next two books. I loved how he started questioning everything and in the end realised that he should have died with Rob.

There was one line in one of Bran's chapters that I found interesting. He was in Summer at the time and thinking about his brothers and sisters. He said one of them had been killed, Grey Wind. But Lady is also dead. Or is she? Maybe it wasn't Lady that Ned killed. Or maybe I am reading too much into something that might just be an error. We know for sure Grey Wind is dead, but I think it would be interesting if Lady isn't.

Arya is still as awesome as ever:)

Dany kind of started to make me angry. She keeps going on about her children in Meereen. Nobody cares about Meereen, get your ass back to the Seven Kingdoms and claim your birthright for goodness sakes. But, she does redeem herself in the last chapter. But still, she really needs to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.

Here's hoping that something happens in the sixth book, you know when it comes out in 10 years.
So, four months have come and gone since I left. I think it has been two months since I last marked the time. The last two months have definitely been an up and down of thoughts and emotions about the situation. I have come to two possiblities about the situation. I am not sure which one I lean to more.

1. He is an evil, souless, bastard who never loved me and gets his jollies from screwing people over.

2. He did love me and is actually sick and feels bad about what he has done or at will feel bad at some point in his life.

Obviously, I hope that it is the second one and that he does get help at some point. The second option is easier to stomach, but also requires a certain amount of understanding and forgiveness on my part. The understanding part still really isn't there, so it is hard to accept the forgiveness part.

The first option is more clear cut, easier to get. Black and white.

Either way, I will never know the truth because every thing he says is a lie.

I hate not knowing, because I like to know everything, but I think I have to leave it at that. But what is one more uncertainty in a universe directed by uncertainty?

I used to get stuck in the memories of the lies, but that hasn't happened in a while because I learned how to get myself out. Maybe some people would call that avoiding it, but I don't see it that way. There is no point in trying to unravel the truth from the lies because there was no truth. So I just assume that everything was a lie and instead of wasting my time getting stuck, I am trying to learn how to trust again. I know that one day I will be able to trust someone enough to let them in again. I don't actually want to be alone for the rest of my life, so my only option is to learn. And every day get stronger and better and not look back.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Here is a website that I recommend.

How Games Saved My Life.

The website is run by Ashly Burch, one of the creators of HAWP. You know HAWP, I told you all to check it out not to long ago and since you all listen to my recommendations, you are by now familiar. For this website, people submit their stories on how video games helped save their lives, or changed for the better, certain aspects of it. With all of the negative stereotypes surrounding video games, it is a really great change to see the positive. Gamers all know how fantastic video games are, but the general public just has no idea. Poor sad, non-video gaming community:(
So here's what I don't get. Why, despite all of what we are told, all of the warnings and past examples, do women still get themselves into situations like I was in? I've heard the horror stories, I knew all of the things that I should have done to protect myself. But I still ended up where I am today. It's not like I didn't do the things that I should have done, at first. But slowly he chipped away at all of the defences I had in place until he controlled every aspect of my life. How the fuck did that happen? How did I become so complacent and apathetic to my own situation? Sweet lies from him and my own arrogant, that could never happen to me attitude sure landed me in a place I never thought that I would be. If everything had happened all at once, it would have been glaringly obvious that something was wrong. But little by little, I learned to trust and forgot how to ask to right questions. Or any questions at all. We, as women, need to stop doing this. But unfortunately, we never learn until it is too late. We need to stop being prideful and arrogant. We need to stop looking the other way when the man in our life does something that doesn't seem right. We need to listen and learn from the stories that we have heard from other women. We need to learn to ask for help. And we need to stop caring what other people will think.

Women have come a long way, but there are still too many stereotypes that we hold to and that is what gets us in trouble.

Can't you hear me screaming, once again?
Voices you can't hear
Because you are consumed and in content
With everlasting greed
Don't you see me on my hands and knees?
Begging and bleeding
You're smiling as you bite the hand that feeds,
But will you never see?
Always wanting what your eyes can't see
Needing what your arms can't reach
Thinking you are in need
Always hearing what your ears can't hear
Feeling what your hands can't touch
Thinking you are incomplete
It was never enough that I gave to you
All of the horrors that you put me through
How can I make up my mind this time?
This is where I will draw the line.
Sacrificed my life to be with you
Why did you leave me?
There is nothing more from me you can consume
Cause you are incomplete
Everlasting need
Would you please?
Answer me
And make me complete
Everlasting greed
Would you please?
Set me free
Fullfill all my needs and make me complete
It was never enough that I gave to you
All of the horrors that you put me through
How can I make up my mind this time?
This is where I will draw the line.
Never again will I be with you
No promise eternal carrying us through
I've finally made up my mind this time
This is the end, I've drawn the line
Never enough to devour your greed.

~ Never Enough by Epica

Thursday, September 15, 2011

WATCH THE GUILD

Okay folks, if you haven't started watching The Guild, like I have told you to do a million times here, then start now. This season is incredible. Nerdom has collided and it has been epic. So watch this weeks episode, recognize all of you favorite people and then watch the rest of the series. Then, maybe buy a t-shirt because everyone loves a t-shirt. They have come so far since their humble beginnings, it is great to see.
This morning at work, two people commented that I looked tired. And they are not even people that I know. I don't think this is a good sign. The dark circles under my eyes do appear to be getting a little darker every day. But I feel fine. Night shift seems to be going well, but maybe it is not agreeing with me as much as I think it is.

Dance with Dragons is so good so far. Although my favorite character has not had a chapter yet, so I am not sure what that means. With George R.R. Martin, it could mean anything. If he kills her, I will not be impressed in the least.

As good as the book is, it is hard to make myself read instead of playing Final Fantasy IV DS. Such a great port for that game. It is beautiful. People make fun of DS and people who like DS because of all the crap that is out there for it. And it is true, there is a lot of crap, but there is also an amazing amount of old school style RPGs and those are what I game for. Give me simple graphics and turn based combat over high def hack and slash any day. Making decisions is much better then random button mashing. But don't get me wrong, I do also enjoy a good old button mashing, kill everything in sight experience once in a while.

Also, I don't think I have mentioned here how much the previews for Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim are blowing my mind. The game play demos are fantastic. This is going to be such an amazing game. It is coming out this November 11. I am picking it up.

Well, must go to bed. Although, I will probably end up staying up to late reading Dance with Dragons.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The copy of Dance with Dragons that I reserved at the library finally came in! I am excited to be reading this book. It is a big book though, I have no idea how I am going to finish it in the three weeks that I have. I am thinking I am going to have to cut down on 3DS, XBox and internet time. That is probably a good thing though. Also, I guess I am hoping for no overtime over the next three weeks so that the 2 hours between me getting to work and actually starting work will be free for reading. (No, I don't get to work that early on purpose, the bus that goes to my lab stops running at 9:30) Hopefully I can finish it. I really don't want to have to buy it, since I do not own the rest of the books. Buying one book just starts me down a dangerous path of too much stuff that I do not want to go down.

Monday, September 12, 2011

3DS

So I bought a 3DS yesterday to replace my stolen DS. It's red and so pretty. I think I may be in love. Now hopefully Nintendo actually puts out the awesome looking games that they promised at E3 this year. There are still a large number of DS games that I am interested in that I have not played, so I am good for a while.
Within Temptation was amazing!! This was very possibly the best concert that I have ever been to. Sharon is beautiful and has such great stage presence. They did a fantastic mix of songs from their new album, The Unforgiving, and their old stuff. It is so satisfying to love a band's albums and then see them put on an awesome concert. I would see them again tomorrow if I could. I hope they come back to Canada soon. Although the last time they were here was 5 years ago. I really hope I do not have to wait that long to see them again.

The Unforgiving came out at a good time for me. The theme of the album is quite appropriate for my current situation. Not to mention the fact that it is a really good album. You need to check them out. I don't care what kind of music you are in too. They will blow you away.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

And one more thing...

TOMORROW IS WITHIN TEMPTATION!!!!!!

I can't believe that this concert is finally here.
There are two things that I love that need a shout out. I think I may have mentioned them on my blog before, but I am not sure.

If you enjoy video games and video game parodies, then these things are for you. I would like everyone to check out Mega64 and Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin?. They are hilarious. Watch and love.

Also, the guest star on The Guild last week was amazing.
Still so angry. Forgiveness is over rated because you can never forget. Also, it is hard when you do not have anywhere to direct the anger. I can't be angry at any of the people around me, and nor would I want to, because they have done nothing but help me. Violent video games also don't help. Maybe I need to find more violent ones. I must admit the ones that I play do not have very much violence in them at all. Too bad I don't have any contact with the one person who deserves the anger. But, even if I did, he wouldn't care. The way he treated me, he obviously didn't think that I was a human, worth any kind of respect or consideration. He didn't care about my feelings then, he definitely would not care now. What a complete douche. I guess my only hope is that without me there to encourage a some what healthy lifestyle is that he gets a lot more fat then he already was. Which, I think has a good probability of occurring. Also, his genetic history for obesity related diseases is less then stellar. So that's encouraging. It may seem kind of pitiful that my revenge is possible obesity related diseases, but since that is one thing that I thought that I could change about him to make him life better, I am kind of happy that I never succeeded. I never could get through to him, and now I am glad.

So, I still have a lot of work to do. But that is okay. I like the way things are going right now. Starting all over again has been kind of crazy. It is kind of lonely. I have always found it hard to make friends because I find it really difficult to talk to new people. Also, the shift that I am working is not very conducive to making friends. It is nice having my family close and Glenna is not too far away, so I get to see her once in a while. Glenna and I were recently discussing how the older we get, the more difficult it has gotten to find people we want to be friends with. Once you leave university, it is so hard to find people with the same interests as you. That is so true. I'll say it again, you never know where life is going to end up.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Here is the link for Jack Layton's funeral. CBC has the entire 3 hour service posted on their site.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

For Jack Layton as he is remembered today

We are the ones who will never be broken
We are the ones who survive
This is the sound that brings us together
You are the one by our side

And through it all, your spirit's alive
And through it all, your spirit's alive

You are the memory that lives on forever
The shadow that stands by our side
This is the sound that keeps us together
We are the ones who survive

Farewell my brother
You're off to the big rink in the sky
The good lord's between the pipes
And you've got Bavis and Ace on the wing

We are the ones who will never be broken
We are the ones who survive

And through it all, your spirit's alive
And through it all, your spirit's alive

This is the sound that brings us together
You are the one by our side

~ Your Spirit's Alive by Dropkick Murphys

Friday, August 26, 2011

I just finished reading Wonder, the third book in Robert J. Sawyer's WWW Trilogy. I loved these books. I haven't actually read anything by him that I didn't love, but it had been a while since I've read any of his books. I find his books are not challenging to read, but they have so many neat ideas in them, that I keep coming back for more. Also, there are several times in his books where one of his characters will voice an opinion and it just leaves me with nothing to say but "oh slam". I seem to agree with most, if not all, of the opinions expressed in his books, and everyone likes reading things that they agree with.

All of the books I have read by him all seem have one theme in common and that is that humanity does have the ability to better itself and that we will eventually get there, we just need some help along the way. They all involve some kind of paradigm shift that makes us stop, shut up and think. That is definitely something that I think humanity needs.

So I would definitely recommend this trilogy and anything else written by Robert J. Sawyer.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Also, and I am about to totally geek out here, but I love that Wil Wheaton is the person that he is. I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger (okay maybe I kind of still have a bit of one). But you know a lot of times celebrities whom people of the preteen and teen variety have crushes on turn out to be not the best examples of humankind. But Wil Wheaton is totally awesome and that makes me happy.

He has been blogging for 10 years now. I have been reading it for almost that long. It was a happy day in my teenage life when I stumbled upon it.
Physics is kind of fantastic. I haven't given physics much love lately. So there you go physics. Sending my love...

Monday, August 22, 2011

RIP Jack Layton

Today is a sad day for Canada. Jack Layton did a lot for this country and took his party to heights that have never been seen before. His dedication will not be forgotten by this blogger. My thoughts and support go out to his family.

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.
- Jack Layton


Speaking interpretation
A conversation can take a sudden turn
And reaching the point of violence
Because your silence left you without a hand to hold

Your past will lead you on to make...

Making a final judgement
Based on your bias will never bring you forward
Terror should never guide you
For even the fearful can take a beating in the end

Suspicion gets you nowhere

Those who denounce a way of life
Will stand alone
Left to atone their social blunders
If you gun down the messenger
You guarantee that he will be made
Into a saint
A martyr of the free word

I will say
I will say what I think
I will do
I will do what I say
When liberty seems out of reach
We'll fight for our freedom of speech

Requiem aeternam dona eis,
Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis

Missing a simple context
A mental weakness can throw you out of balance
Listen, respect each other
Then you'll discover
It mustn't always end in hate
It's not too late for mercy

Those who denounce a way of life
Will stand alone
Left to atone their social blunders
If you gun down the messenger
You guarantee that he will be made
Into a saint
A martyr of the free word

-Martyr for the Free Word by Epica

Friday, August 19, 2011

I only have one more shift left this week. The transition to night shift has gone a lot easier then I thought it would. I like working this shift. I am not going to lie, I like having the lab to myself. For me, work doesn't get much better then when I can sing along with the music I am listening too because there is no one around to hear how horrible I am. My lab is rather far away from anyone else as well. You have to travel down two long and narrow hallways to get to it because it is on the "other side" of the building (we have both the first and second floor of one half of the building and only the second floor of the other half, I am in other half). Although currently I am also house sitting, so I think I am slightly lacking in people contact. I see no one when I get home and then only very briefly see people while at work. It takes a lot for me to miss being around people, but I think if it was like this indefinetly then it would be a problem.

Incidentaly, I don't think the spell checker works on this computer, so I am sure there are spelling mistakes in this post. I hate that spelling is not inutitive for me. It's rather frustrating and right now I am too lazy to google the words that I suspect I am spelling incorrectly. There are some people who frown on those who are too reliant on spell checkers, but I guarentee that a lot of those people are the people who rely on calcuators to do basic mathematics.

I feel like forward progress is being made. The ipod I am currently using is called the shuffle disquised as a nano because it is really old and no longer allows you to select what you want to listen to, it just works by putting it on shuffle. Also, I do not want to be touching it to change songs when I am wearing gloves covered in acid and who knows what else. So I can not really control what I am listening too. My point in this rambling is that there are certain songs that were hard to listen to right after it happened, but not anymore. Considering how much emotional attachment I have to the music I listen to, I consider this to be a victory.

I am so not going to sleep enough today. I should be in bed right now, but as usual there is something more interesting to do on the internet. Oh well, this being Friday and all. Somethings never change, even when I am on night shift.

Speaking of it being Friday, I have a phone date with my besties. I'm excited:)

So in the middle of writing this post, I felt the need to brush my teeth. While I was do this, I felt something in my mouth that I assumed was a bristle that had fallen out of the tooth brush (I hate it when that happens), but when I spat, it was in fact a fruit fly. I am trying hard not to speculate about the possible entry routes of the fly.

Twitter is such an interesting place. I'm kind of addicted again.

Also, this weeks episode of The Guild was killer. If you still have not checked it out, DO IT.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Tonight I am starting my first night shift. I don't know how I feel about working nights. I took the job because it was the first opportunity I got in my field and it is close to home. It will be good on one hand because I like working by myself. But then on the other hand, it means that I will not be able to meet very many people, since there are only a couple of us working. I do have the instrument lab completely to myself though:)

Can't move an inch
But for the act to
Leave fingerprints

Freedom farewell
Look in the lens
Answer the questions
Are you a threat?
Nec plus ultra
After all the grabbing, it's time to bite the dust
Leave behind the breaches of my trust
Cleaning up the mess is up to us
Non plus ultra
Now that all hands are tied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Demolition, the damaged pride

The price of ambition
Nec plus ultra
The current system leads to profit seeking deeds
Leave behind the traces of our blood
Now the course for change is up to us
Non plus ultra

After all the grabbing
It's time to bite the dust
Leave behind the breaches of my trust
Cleaning up the mess is up to us

Access is now denied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Intuition, forgotten guide
The price of suppression
Terre eos vi
Augearis
Perde eos vi
Nobis imperium
Can't move an inch
But for the act to
Leave fingerprints

Freedom farewell
Look in the lens
Answer the questions
Will you behave as required?
When we think the end is here
With nearly all faith gone
There is hope along the way
And there a new age dawns

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those
who falsely believe that they are free
[Goethe]

Nobis victoria
Non plus ultra

Now that all hands are tied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Demolition, the damaged pride
The Price of Ambition

Access is now denied
We're panic stricken
Wealth out of sight
Intuition, forgotten guide
The price of suppression

Can't move an inch
But for the act to
Leave fingerprints
Freedom Farewell
Look in the lens
Answer the questions
Will you behave as required?

When we think the end is here
With nearly all faith gone
There is hope along the way
And there a new age dawns

Chasing our addictions we're stunting our growth
Once we get rid of this ballast we'll be able to
Restore the balance and distribute our wealth

~ Resign to Surrender by Epica

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Trying to switch over to a night shift schedule is kind of a bitch. This first week on nights is going to be brutal.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Order of the Stick

I realized that I have never mentioned one of my favorite things on this blog. It is a web comic called Order of the Stick. It is excellent, all must read. It features a band of adventurers travelling through a world loosely based on D&D. I started reading it in February. It has been going on for a lot longer then that and there are 800 comics up right now. There is also another comic on their website called Erfworld. I haven't read it yet, but plan to when I am finished getting through all of OOTS.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I think I should bane myself from facebook. I have been creeping people that I really shouldn't be creeping. No, not that person. He deleted his facebook account around the same time that he started telling people that I had left him for someone I was working with (which clearly I should have); all the while, still living off of me (it's really too bad I hadn't left him when he had started telling people that, it would have saved me a lot of money, not to mention a job, a place to live, all my stuff... but I digress). The people I have been looking up are people from the past. There were a number of no starts in my earlier days. Most of them, I haven't had any contact with after the no starts were over. But I should not be looking them up because life doesn't work that way. It's easy and fun to imagine that it does, but it doesn't. There are no second chances at a life with someone. I think my problem was that the kind of guys who I was attracted to are not the kind to actually take the initiative with a girl who was interested in them and I was way to self conscious back then. I could only try so much before I couldn't take it anymore and would just give up. But there are a couple who I probably should not have given up so easily on. It is so easy to fall into thought patterns like that, but it probably isn't a good idea. I spent so much time during my marriage trying not to think about things like that, that now that I am free to without feeling guilty, it is hard not too. I wonder if life would have worked out better if I had done the things that he started telling people I was doing? Don't get me wrong, I think things are great now. But I didn't leave until the end of May and he started telling people these things at the beginning of December, I could have saved myself a good 6 months of shit. If only the initial suspected source of the rumors wasn't so crazy, then maybe they would have been a little more believable.

Katrina told me to listen to a band called Zombie Girl and so I am. She is rather entertaining. I don't normally like industrial bands due to their lack of lyrics and differential sound, but this girl is pretty good. There are lyrics involved and she has a myspace page. Also, she is apparently Canadian.

Also, season 5 of The Guild started recently. New episodes are up of Thursdays. All of the seasons are now up on their website, so it is very easy to start from the beginning. Watch, love.

Today at work, I passed my pipette test. So now I am allowed to pipette. Cause you know, I didn't pipette like 50,000 times at my last job.

Life is just so weird, you definitely do not know where you are going to end up...

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

It's weird

It's kind of weird working in a lab that is not Maxxam. Everything is the same yet very different. It is so much easier there too. All I do is run the instruments. There are people to prep the samples and people to look at the data. Which is kind of disappointing because looking at data was my favorite part. The sample volume is a lot higher so there is a lot to do. But I don't see staying past the length of my contract unless my job changes before the year is up.

Also, I would like to point out that there are cute boys at my lab and it doesn't matter what I think or do about that.

Sunday, August 07, 2011

So I have rediscovered the library and it is awesome:) Large amounts of love. I can't believe I had stopped going to libraries. Mostly I stopped going because if I really wanted to read a book, then I just bought it. But I am realizing how uneconomical that is. Then there was also the library book sale every year in Edmonton where I would accumulate a large number of books (how can you resist for only $0.50 per paperback?), many of whom never got read. Since I do not have any of those books anymore and no money for buying books, I rediscovered the library. I don't think I am going to go back to my previous ways. I do miss my books (more then a certain person, although less then my DS), but owning them is so cumbersome. The goal for the near future is to travel light.

Do not even get me started on my DS. I mourned it's loss far more then the lose of my marriage. (Possibly because my marriage, or rather the person I was married to is the reason I lost it). My DS was my constant companion. Always providing entertainment and always faithful. It was my reward to myself for all of the hard work and overtime that I put in during the big audit that I had at work a while ago. I feel like the theft of that was one of his biggest betrayals. That may sound silly to others but it's because he knew how much it meant to me.

Oh consequences

There are so many random consequences of that relationship. One of them popped up today. Nothing big, it just reminds me of how angry I am with all of it and how much work it is going to be to truly start over.

Theme Songs: Dying Star and Remember by In This Moment. (The lyrics to these song were posted in previous posts, check them out)

The music I listen to has no shortage of songs to help deal with the situation that I am in.
9/10 is not an accurate statistic, stop using it as if it is. Don't be lazy, check your facts.

Friday, August 05, 2011

You can take the girl out of the lab...

...but you can't take the lab out of the girl. I must admit, I was rather excited to be back in a lab again. I really am a lab nerd.

Thursday, August 04, 2011

On a side note, since I do seem to have a small readership (although a lot of it I suspect is to check out the potential gossip) you should all check out this web comic. It is called Galaxy Raiders. A totally awesome person whom I worked with at Tim Hortons is one of the creators. Read it... and then follow them on facebook.
"I've often thought that if people with the highest IQs stopped doing what those with the lowest IQs wanted them to do, the world would be in a lot better shape."

~ Caitlin Decter in Watch by Robert J. Sawyer

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

I am starting my new job on Friday. I am pretty excited. I think I need contact with some more people. My family is great, but they are only three people. Most people at Tim Horton 's don't count because I don't have anything to talk to them about (with a few awesome exceptions). Katrina and I found a couple of people to play D&D with (oddly enough and slightly against character, we put an ad up on craigs list about two months ago and finally got a response two weeks ago. But seriously, how else do you meet other gamers in a smallish city with a not very large gaming community?) and we had our first session on Friday. It was good. I am glad to have found people.

It will be nice to be learning again and doing something a little bit more challenging. I hope it will be more challenging. The type of MS that they have is different from what I am used to and their element list is far more extensive. Even though lab work is repetitive, I still found it interesting. Probably because I really like numbers and finding relationships between them. I just wish I could analyze more complicated things. Data coming off of an MS isn't the most complicated thing out there.

So I just googled LefthandedSocks because I wanted to see if I still came up first. I do, but there is now a lefthandedsock out there. Huh... I think I have been around longer though because I have been blogging since 2005 and the earliest thing that I can find from lefthandedsock is a youtube account started in 2006.

Also, I have never looked at the stats tab before (I know quite a statement from someone who just one paragraph ago stated that she really likes numbers) but apparently I have a bit more of a following then I thought. Weird and cool. I creep people's blogs (not to mention their facebook and twitter accounts) all the time, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people do it to my blog as well. Katrina and I were recently talking about how it sucks that when you creep someone on facebook and find out something that you have in common, that it is not really acceptable to bring up in conversation that you learned this while creeping their facebook. Everybody does it.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Over the last few days (which might have something to do with the fact that I was at one of my cousin's weddings), I have been thinking about choices that I have made in the last about 9 years, that I consider to have been turning points. My life could have been completely different if I had chosen the other option.

The main one that I have been thinking about came after my first year of university. A certain set of officers got moved to a city with a university that I had been accepted to out of high school. I considered long and hard about switching to that university. The reason is probably obvious, they had a son that I was rather interested in when we lived in the same area during high school. My thought was that if we lived in the same city, we would get together and everything would be awesome. And I would still be going to a really good school, so no problem there. But there were several arguments against doing this; I didn't actually know that anything would happen between us, I went to UofA because I wanted to do it on my own and moving back to Ontario for a boy seemed silly and he is sick sometimes and that scared me because I didn't know how long we would be together. Clearly, those arguments won the day and I stayed in Alberta.

It's not that I think my life would have been so much better had I switched schools, I know that there would have been other challenges that I would have had to face and I don't know what would have happened. But at this point, it is hard not to look at the choices I have made and wonder what it would have been like if I had chosen differently.

I think I choose the easy path too often. Choosing to be with Jon seemed like the choice that would make life easier and if he had been the person that I thought he was, it would have. But there were several points during that relationship where there were choices to be made that would have changed things but I always chose him. And keeping to my theme of honesty on this blog, it really was because staying with him was the easier choice. I'm not saying I didn't love him, I did love him, but I didn't love him enough for that to be the only reason I chose him. I knew what I was doing in the moment, but I put those thoughts aside and focused on building the easy life that I wanted.

I think somewhere along the way I lost myself. I didn't used to think like that. I've always struggled with not being good enough for members of the other sex. I never had a boyfriend during high school or even university, despite large amounts of effort on my part. The effort was never reciprocated and so I never felt good enough. Loneliness is a powerful thing, it definitely has the ability to change thought patterns.

I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clocks screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As there falling
Tell a story

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don't say I'm not in touch
With this rampant chaos
Your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare i built my own world to escape

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot stop for the fear of silent nights
Oh how i long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light

~ Imaginary by Evanescence

Thursday, July 28, 2011

So it has been two months today since the day that I left my marriage. I wonder if, as the years go on, May 28 will be one of those dates that I always say hey today is May 28, this was the day _ years ago that I became free. Or if eventually I will just forget what the date was because it will no longer hold enough significance to matter. I guess I will see.

Playground school bell rings again,
Rain clouds come to play, again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,
Hello...

If I smile and don't believe,
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream,
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken,
Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide,
Don´t cry...

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping,
Hello, I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday...

~ Hello by Evanescence

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Within Temptation!!

Katrina and I got our tickets for the Within Temptation concert!! I can not wait for this concert. Sharon is an amazing singer. If you have not heard this band, you must look them up.

Monday, July 25, 2011

So if I am being honest with myself, things really were bad for a long time before the end. There were times when I was so angry at him, but I did not want to admit that I might have made a mistake. Also he had this way of whenever I got angry with him for something, he would always manage to make me feel guilty about it. I did not even necessarily have to get angry, just whenever I confronted him on something. There was a lot of guilt tripping in that marriage.

Things started out so good and so innocent. He was always there when I needed him and in turn I thought that I could take him away from the life that he had and show him what I considered to be a better way of life. But you can not change people and I was so blind and arrogant to think that I could.

I should never have let things get as far as they did. I knew there was something wrong, but I just could not admit that I was wrong. He gave me everything I thought I needed; at first. But then took away all of my trust and innocence.

I really hope that this has not made it so that I will never trust another person the way that I need to in order to be in a relationship again. I do not think it will, but how do you trust again. This is not really anything that I need to be thinking about right now, but I think that it is natural to think about.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Explaining my music

Today at work, someone asked me what kind of music I listen to, which I answered with the usual female fronted metal answer. You know, most people do not know that this type of music exists. (I, myself, didn't know it existed until about 6 years ago.) It's really hard to explain when the only thing most people think of when they consider metal music is the classic metal core band. I eventually just gave up and said that I know that it sounds ridiculous, but it is really awesome. I don't think I was very convincing, the conversation ended with a thick amount of skepticism in the air.

It really is amazing music. Especially symphonic metal. There is something about the combination of metal rifts, symphony music and operatic vocals that just does it for me.

Here is a list of bands that you should listen too:

Epica
Nightwish
Delain
In This Moment
Within Temptation
The Agonist
ReVamp

Within Temptation is coming to Toronto in September. This is a can't miss, possibly once in a lifetime, concert. I can't wait.
Okay, so obviously some days are easier then others. Sometimes thoughts lead me down into memories that I would rather not explore, but then I can't stop. There is just so much I don't know and wished that I had answers too. That's the hardest part.

Remember that old, quiet day
I remember the innocence with it
I remember the death, it was beautiful
I remember the nothingness of me

I Remember back, in the beginning
I remember the years all too well
I remember dreams of a better world
And I remember what they did to me

I know that I can survive this
I know that there's a way
I know that I can survive this
I see a way

Release me from these memories
And show me a way to be free
Release me from these chains
And show me a way for me to start again and start this all over

I remember the martyrs in disbelief
And I remember the look on their face
I remember all of the filthy waste
And I remember what they stole from me

I know that I can survive this
I know that there's a way
I know that I can survive this
I see a way

Release me from these memories
And show me a way to be free
Release me from these chains
And show me a way for me to start again and turn this all around

I remember the looks on their face
And I remember the filthy waste
And I remember what they did to me
They took my innocence

Release me from these memories
And show me a way to be free
Release me from these chains
And show me a way for me to start again and turn this all
To start again and turn this all around.

~Remember by In This Moment

Saturday, July 23, 2011

It's been a while (again)

Haven't posted here in a while, at least not anything with original content. There is a reason for the song lyrics. If anyone still actually read this blog, then there would be some of you who know why and some of you who don't. I don't even know why I am posting anything here. It just seemed the thing to do.

For some reason the mouse stopped working and so I am trying to navigate without using a mouse. It probably is a some what useful skill to have. Maybe not.

I do kind of miss my blog. I used to have a lot to say. Apparently not anymore.

I got to geek out today at work. It was fun. Hopefully the new "real" job will have people to geek out with. I am assuming there will be, seeing as it is a lab and all.

Ooo, I managed to open iTunes, go to the music I wanted and then make my way back to my blog. Sweet. In case anyone is interested, I am listening to the album A Star Crossed Wasteland by In This Moment. Fantastic album.

I have been considering putting down here the things that have transpired in the last little while that has led to the lyrics being posted. It's hard though. While a lot or people know what happened, or that something happened, I haven't had to tell too many people. Not that anyone reads this anymore. But still. I had considered putting something up on the day that was supposed to be special, but I decided against it. I didn't feel like attention needed to be drawn to that day. Plus, the truth is, I've accepted it. Stuff in life happens and you can either curl up in a ball and cry or hold your head up high and fix your own life. So it seems silly to dwell on it. My life took a detour for a while, so now it is time to get back on track.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

My beautiful liar
Why are you crying
On your knees
You've crucified yourself
And now denial is rising

Why
So tell me

So tell me how did you lose yourself at sea
Drifting within
So tell me why did you cast yourself away
It's such a sweet addiction
You should celebrate

My beautiful liar
You are drowning
In your fear
You're cutting into me
You think if I bleed
It can save you

Why
So tell me

So tell me how did you lose yourself at sea
Drifting within this
So tell me why did you cast yourself away
It's such a sweet addiction
You should celebrate

And you know if I could
I'd take your pain
But will you turn and face your disease


~ Lost At Sea by In This Moment

Monday, July 04, 2011

I was never good enough
I listened to their lies
I crucified myself
I always, but now I realize
That I’m the only one
Who can mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
I was my own worst enemy
I was blinded by my shame
A hopeless masquerade
Never ending
The guilty down inside
Was a blessing in disguise to mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
I can mend my ways
Now, I’m flying, hanging on the wind
Following the night
And ride
Leave gravity behind
Following the light
Finally I can breathe
I
I bury all my doubts
I've learned to live without
The fear of endless scars
In this star
I can mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
I can mend my ways
How did I come so far
My everlasting flame, my dying star
My dying star


~ Dying Star by In This Moment

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Loving you is poison to my heart
I'm free by losing you
Why was I blind?
Why did I tried?

Loving you, no honey for the damned
I'm free by breaking through
I have lead a way out

No heart, no shallow heart to love
I'm better off just by myself
No pain, no pain to command me
I'm better off without this agony

Loving you is poison to my heart
I'm free by losing you
Why was I blind?
Why did I tried?

Loving you, no honey for the damned
I'm free by breaking through
I have lead a way out

No knife, no knife can cut me free
I'm better off without this heart
No fight, no fight will set me free
I'm better off without this love

Loving you is poison to my heart
I'm free by losing you
Why was I blind?
Why did I tried?

Loving you, no honey for the damned
I'm free by breaking through
I have lead a way out

~No Honey for the Dammed by ReVamp

Saturday, June 11, 2011

So here we are now at the end of our road.
So many questions going unanswered.
These streets are dark and led me far from you.
And you never noticed that I was gone.
And now I'm standing here alone.
Still I hold my up head high.
The time has come for me to leave.
It's the only way to survive
There's no need now for you to say a word.
Your sacrifices for me took a turn.
I hope you're sailing free and on your way.
And I hope you think of me each day.
And now I'm standing here alone.
Still I hold my up head high.
The time has come for me to leave.
It's the only way to survive
And now I'm standing here alone.
Holding my head high.
The time has come for me to leave.
It's the only way to survive,
Now I'm standing here alone
It's the only way to survive.

~Standing Alone by In This Moment

Thursday, June 09, 2011

It's a burden for wrong reasons
But I keep hold of this pain
No more tears but common sorrow
Yet it wears of day by day
Letting go; I never could but I surely need to heal
Sweet curse, my hell

You bare our memories like staining scars within your mind
You lose all that you knew of me, gone deep inside
Lost love, my hell

Sweet is the curse of hearts intwined but lost, detached but bound
Sad is their fate without relief
Cruel is the curse of love, so luscious yet so dangerous
Sweet curse, our hell

Words weren't made to tell this story
For I can't describe the ache
No remorse for your betrayal
Yet though I find that hard to take
How can beauty change unseen into a monster, I don't know
Lost love is my hell

Sweet is the curse of hearts intwined but lost, detached but bound
Sad is their fate without relief
Cruel is the curse of love, so luscious yet so dangerous
Sweet curse, our hell

Lost hope and lost dreams
Killing you slowly
New scars and new cravings take control
(New desire, new despair)

Losing you was more than I could bear
Losing us, a dive in water deep
Losing you

~Sweet Curse by ReVamp

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

I can’t sleep ‘cause it's burning deep inside
Like gasoline on fire running wild
No more fear ‘cause I’m getting closer now
So unreal but I like it anyhow

I go faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster.

And I can’t live in a fairytale of lies
And I can’t hide from the feeling ‘cause it’s right
And I go faster and faster and faster and faster for life
I can’t live in a fairytale of lies

I can feel that you mesmerize my heart
I feel so free, I’m alive, I’m breaking out
I won’t give in, ‘cause I’m proud of all my scars
And I can see I’ve been wasting too much time

A fairytale of lies

A fairytale of lies.

~Faster by Within Temptation

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Breathing in and breathing out
My head leaned back my hands are tied
I stand in here alone I scream, questions why
Days slip by and nights I taste
These memories run through my veins
Injecting me with one last kiss, screaming why

This medication can't save me
And desperation takes hold of me
I wanted to believe in all of this
I wanted to believe in you

All I am, all I have
Leads me down these roads again
Take my hand, show me the way
And never bring me back here

Determination is pushing me
And perseverance is what I bleed
I wanted to believe in all of this
I wanted to believe in you

These are my unanswered prayers
The time has come for me to say goodbye
God please hear me, calling

~Prayers by In This Moment

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sparkling angel
I believe
You are my savior
In my time of need

Blinded by faith
I couldn't hear
All the whispers
The warning's so clear

I see the angels
I'll lead them to your door
There is no escape now
Now mercy no more

No remorse 'cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wished they'd turn to real
You broke the promise
And made me realize
It was all just a lie

Sparkling angel
Couldn't see
Your dark intentions
Your feelings for me

Fallen angel
Tell me why?
What is the reason?
The thorn in your eye

I see the angels
I'll lead them to your door
There is no escape now
No mercy no more

No remorse 'cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart

Could have been forever
Now we have reached the end

This world may have failed you
It doesn't give the reason why
You could have chosen
A different path of life

The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wished they'd turn in to real
You broke a promise
And made me realize
It was all just a lie

Could have been forever
Now we have reached the end

~Angel by Within Temptation