Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Mosquito

What is The Mosquito you might ask? Last week at work I ordered a new cartridge for our postal machine and with it came an advertisment for The Mosquito. It is an ultrasonic teenage deterrent, guarenteed to solve the problem of unwanted gatherings of youths and teenagers. So if your business is threatened from unwanted anti social behavior by teenagers, I would recommened that you invest in one of these fantastic devices.

How does it work you might ask? It emits an unpleasent but benign high pitched sound that only young people can hear. People over the age of 25 can't hear this sound due to natural hearing loss during the aging process.

Apparently this item has been availible and very successful in the UK for years and is just now availible in Canada, so no business should miss out on this oppurtunety.

I remember hearing about this on tv once and wondering if it was true. Apparently it is. It seems bizarre. I wounder if it actually works.

I defeated it

What did I defeat? Revenue Canada and their income tax forms. I finally got around to filling out my income tax. Yes, I know they are a month late but that is okay because they owe me money. That is so wonderful. I feels like a victory to successfully fill out the forms and calculate my return. The first year that I tried to do it myself I called my Dad in a panic because some how I ended up owing the government over a thousand dollars. I didn't know what I was doing. Then the other years previous I took it to the professionals. But this time with all the procrastinating that went on, I had to do it myself. And I did. Take that government and your attempt to confuse us all with your scheduals, forms and lines. I know it's a minor victory, but I'll take.

I've been watching Babylon 5, they're all about overcoming governments who don't take responsibility for their actions. As I digress... the great thing about Babylon 5 is that every time I watch it, I notice more connections and hints for the future story line. It's amazing.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Most Miserable City

So Forbes has named Detroit as the Most Miserable American city. That's not surprising. Detroit is a very sketchy place to visit and just catching a whiff of the breeze coming off the Detroit river and you know it stinks. But, the Tigers play there and so they can be forgiven and Detroit is still a worth while city to visit.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

How can they do that?

I don't think that I have ever been left unsatisfied with a season finally of a T.V show then I am right now with The Office. How can they do that? How can they do that to people like me who are hopeless romances and assumed that this episode would finally be the time that Jim proposes to Pam. But no... right as it is about to happen it gets interrupted. WHY? Stupid Andy. In every episode, every moment between them has been leading up to a proposal, but then it doesn't happen. That is just mean. That is almost as mean as Joss Whedon finally putting Amber Benson on the opening credits in the episode that he kills Tara. That's right folks, I'm comparing it to that.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

In the basement

No, not me, my Tigers. After two glorious years on top, my Tigers have once again returned to the basement of the AL Central. But I do not give up hope, oh no because the season is still young and anything can happen in baseball.

Jon and I were watching Family Guy on Peachtree TV (formally TBS) and a commercial advertising the Braves came on. Jon asked if I like the Braves and I said no. But then I remembered back to the time when Greg Maddox, John Smoltz and Tom Glavine all pitched for the Braves. I liked the Braves then. That was also the time when Barry Zito, Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder all pitched for the Oakland Athletics. I also liked Oakland then. But those are not my favorite teams. I just like good pitching. My like of them comes and goes with the pitchers. No, only the Tigers, no matter how much they hurt me can maintain their place in my heart for all time.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

I'm cursing cardboard cuts

You know, they are like paper cuts, but from cardboard. I have one on my finger tip and it really hurts. Who knew being a receptionist would be hazardous to my health? Too bad I am not in the States, otherwise I'm sure I could sue UPS for several millions for making the edges of their Express Envelopes too sharp. That would never fly in Canada though.

It is surpirsingly difficult

You know, it is surprisingly difficult to get 25 mattresses from Saskatoon to Iqaluit. Especially when you are in Edmonton, the shipping company is in Valleyfield QC, the guy in Iqaluit works part time with a fax line that is shared by the phone line (I have to call him before I fax anything to him so that he can change the lines over again) and you are dealing with time sensitive contracts.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

More fantastic mathness

"And the mathematical models of King Krool and the beast did such fierce battle across the equation covered table, that the constructors' pencils kept snapping. Furious, the beast writhed and wriggled its iterated integrals beneth the King's polynomial blows, collapsed into an infinite series of indeterminate terms, then got back up by raising itself to the nth power, but the King so belabored it with differentials and partial derivatives that its Fourier coefficients all canceled out, and in the ensuing confusion the constructors completely lost sight of both King and beast. So they took a break, stretched their legs, then went back to work and tried it again from the beginning, this time unleashing their entire arsenal of tensor matrices and grand canonical ensembles, attacking the problem with such fevor that the very paper began to smoke. The King rushed forward with all his cruel coordinates and mean values, stumbled into a dark forest of roots and logarithms, had to backtrack, then encountered the beast in a field of irrational numbers and smote it so greviously that it fell two decimal places and lost an epsilon, but the beast slid around an asymptote and hid in an n-dimensional orthogonal phase space, underwent expansion and came out, and came out, fuming factorially, and fell upon the King and hurt him passing sore. But the King, nothing daunted, put on his Markov chain mail and all his impervious parameters, took his increment delta(k) to infinity and dealt the beast a truely Boolean blow, sent it reeling throughan x-axis and several brackets- but the beast, prepared for this, lowered its horns and- wham!!- the pencils flew like mad through transendental functions and double eigentransformation, and when at last the beast closed in and the King was down and out for the count, the constructors jumped up, danced a jig, laughed and sang..." ~The Cyberiad- Stanislaw Lem

I came across this wonderful little tidbit on the bus on my way to work this evening. I thought it was fantastic. I did not realize how much I missed reading, especially science fiction, until I started again. I hope that never again, will I allow work to get in the way of reading.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Love and Tensor Algebra

Come let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!
Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It wispers of a more ergodic zone.
In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our asymptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.
I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thou'lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we shall all love's lemmas prove,
And in our bound partition never part.
For what did Cauchy know, or Christoffel,
Or Fourier, or any Boole or Euler,
Wielding their compasses, their pens and rulers,
Of thy supernal sinusoidal spell?
Cancel me not- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.
Ellipse of bliss, converge, O lips devine!
The product of our scalars is defined!
Cyberiad draws nigh, and the skew mind
Cuts caper like a happy haversine.
I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die,
Had he but known such a^2cos(2phi)!
This poem comes from Stanislaw Lem's The Cyberiad. It is a collection of short stories that follows two constructors, Trurl and Klapaucius. In one of the stories Trurl creates an electronic bard. Klapaucius requests that it produces a love poem in the language of pure mathematics. The above is what he comes up with. It's quite brilliant really.

Workin' at DHQ

I finished my first week working at DHQ (Divisional Headquaters for all of you non Salvation Arny types). It was quiet because most people were out of the office at a conference in Calgary. I must say that I do very much enjoy two things about the job 1) I get to work normal working hours. 8-4 M-F. I don't think there is anything sweeter. 2) I went the entire week without being sworn at. That has been wonderful. It's nice because I have been coming home energized instead of exhausted. No one has directed any malicious threats towards my person and I have not encountered any irrational behaviour. The biggest crisis that seems to have come out of this week was a couple of coffee mugs being broken. But then, like I said, it was a quiet week.