Sunday, September 30, 2007

A confession

I have a confession to make... I currently love country music... there I said it.

Totally Jon's fault.

Love

I don't think there is a better description then this...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seaking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

A post... I'm posting

Well, I make a post seeing as I am at work and need something to stay awake with and I haven't posted in a while and a lot had happened since I last posted.

As some of you know and some of you don't, I had to move out of my house the first weekend of September. About 11 days after I had moved into that place, I found out that my roommate has schizophrenia. I found out because she hadn't taken her medication since I had moved in and she was freaking out. But she promised to start taking her medication again. And she did, for about two weeks and she was great. But then she stopped taking it again. She started into this pattern where she would take her meds for one day and then stop, freak out about 5 days later and then take them again for one day. About a week before I moved out, she started to get really scary. She was uttering death threats about the people she was freaking out about. It was never me from what I heard, but it was still scary. Then the Friday before my first night shift at Cornerstone, she was freaking out again, I was a little worried to be leaving but I had to go to work. But when I got home on Saturday morning she was really bad. She was saying how much she hated living with the cats and she was going to move to a one bedroom apartment and she actually started calling places. I was just going to shrug it off and go to bed, but something inside of me told me that I had to get out of there. So I went and got Jon, we got Mazy and Tesseract out first and then Jon got a bunch of people together and we moved my stuff out. I honestly believe that if I had not moved out that day and just gone to work that night that Mazy and Tesseract would not have been alive when I got back. I feel really bad for my old roommate because she needs help and she doesn't see how much help she needs and I also think that her family is in denial about how much help she needs.

So for the last three weeks I have been staying with Betty-Lou. Betty-Lou is a very amazing women who goes to my church. I am so grateful that she was willing to take me in. I don't know what I would have done, because almost everyone I know is allergic to cats. I probably would have ended up back in Ontario. I mean it would be nice to live near family again, but it would have felt like defeat and even worse, it would have meant leaving Jon behind.

So I have decided that I am never again moving in with anyone because I don't want to give anyone that much power over me again. It is really expensive to live on your own in Edmonton right now, but for me, it is worth it.

I found a place and I am moving in on Monday. It is a two bedroom top floor of a house. It is old, but I like it. And it is my name on the lease. I can't wait. I can't for stupid things like being able to use my own dishes and pots and pans and stuff like that. I can't wait to not feel like I am invading on someone’s space and that if they didn't need the rent money, I wouldn't be there.

Life is strange. This whole last year has felt like I have been sliding backwards. The only good things were meeting Jon and Mission Mexico. Don't get me wrong, those were two huge things in my life, but everything else just seemed so negative. But this fall and winter is time to get things back on track. That year is over with now and it is time to move forward:)

Well apparently blog posts at 1:30 am are reflective, feeling post.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

R.I.P. Claude

Today, a person that I work with at the ARC, Claude, passed away. He was a dishwasher and also a resident there. It was rather sudden and shocking. He had been sick for a couple of weeks, but when I talked to him on Wednesday he said that he was coming back to work on Monday. It was just so weird. We all knew that he was sick but never figured that this would happen. We all expected him to come back to work.

Claude was an interesting person. Somedays he could be the grumpiest old fart out there, but most days he was a nice guy with a hard past. There were somedays where he'd be dancing around the kitchen while he was doing the dishes. He always had a story. Heroin was Claude's drug of choice. He told me that he tried every drug out there, but heroin was the only one that he ever went back too. But he had been clean since coming to live at the ARC 5 years ago. He didn't really talk much about his family. The only thing he told me was that they were all career military and that he had served for 3 years but dropped out because it wasn't for him. He didn't have much contact with his family after started doing drugs.

I'm quite sure that where ever Claude is right now, he is cruising on a Harley.