Thursday, September 20, 2012

I was alone
I was tied
And you saved me
You set my heart on fire
You gave me life 
Now you rise
Headed for the Sun
And I know I'm right behind you
Live like you feel
Reach for the unknown
And know my fire is always with you

~ Arise by In This Moment

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Even though most days I currently think marriage is a big sham, this is something that I believe strongly in.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Robert J. Sawyer

"I had a frustrating conversation today but now I'm reading a Robert J. Sawyer book and my faith in rational thinking is being reaffirmed." (That's something that I tweeted a couple of months ago and Robert J. Sawyer actually retweeted it, which I didn't actually discover until a couple of weeks later and made me totally excited.)

Last night, I had the privilege of seeing Robert J. Sawyer give a talk at McMaster University. I also got meet him afterwards! I was a complete inarticulate dork. I can't make small talk in regular circumstances and this was far from a regular circumstance.

If you read my blog, you might have seen me mention him a couple of times here before. The first Robert J. Sawyer book that I read was The Terminal Experiment. It was assigned reading for the Comparative Lit class that I took as one of my arts options in university. My room mate at the time was a huge fan of his and had tried to get me to read some of his books, but I never did until I had to for class. I will admit, I was a hard core sci fi snob and did not want anything to do with "new age" science fiction. I read The Terminal Experiment and loved it. Shortly after that I read The Neanderthal Parallax and Factoring Humanity and loved all four of those books. I was hooked. I have devoured almost all of his books in the nearly 7 years that has passed since I took that class. He very quickly became one of my favorite authors.

I grew up in a rather religious house, my parents being ministers and all, but I have always been drawn to science. My parents did an excellent job of encouraging this. However not everyone I have encountered over the years have been as open minded to this science business. I have had a lot of frustrating conversations in my life. Some which left me rather hurt and offended. For me, Robert J. Sawyer's books have always been a reaffirmation and haven for rational thinking. The science in his books is fantastic, but it has always been the logic and open minded ideas that he presents that have kept me coming back. His books have been one of the things that have helped me to see that the ideas that I have are okay to think. I tend to agree with the majority of the opinions expressed by his characters. His writing has played an important part in helping me be the person I am today.

(Given all of that, how could I have possibly said anything to him? I don't understand how people can talk to someone they admire so greatly.)

Robert J. Sawyer is a highly entertaining and engaging speaker. Unlike me, he is very articulate and seems to genuinely enjoy interacting with his fans. If you ever have the chance to see him speak, do so. And of course, read his books. It doesn't matter which one you start with, they are all fantastic.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Nightwish is Back!!

A couple of days ago, Nightwish released the first single from their new album Imaginaerum. The single is called Storytime. I love it!! The album is being released in North America on January 10. I am so excited for this album. There hasn't been a new Nightwish album for almost 5 years. It has been a long wait. Nightwish was the first symphonic metal band that I was introduced to. They are the ones that started it all for me. They showed me that there is amazing music in this world.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Dark Souls

I have been playing Dark Souls, I am not nearly close to being finished it yet, but I thought that I would share with you all what my thoughts on it are so far.

This is an incredibly oppressive game. Much more so then my usual game. It's not like you can just stroll into a town and visit an inn and be all safe and what not. The only safe havens I have come across so far, and the only ones in the game as far as I know, are the bonfires. You can heal and level up at them. But you fight like hell to get to them. I know that I have had enough when I really don't want to leave a bonfire. That is the point when I turn the game off. But then I am left thinking about it for a long time afterwards. The game is really gritty looking, which I feel adds to the atmosphere really well.

This game punishes your mistakes. Early on, I made the mistake of trying to kill an NPC who I felt was a little rude. It was right by a bonfire. That was a mistake. Not only did he kill me, but every time I respawned, he jumped up from his seat, ran over to me and proceeded to kill me again. Over and over and over. I tried everything, but I was not nearly high enough level and so I felt my only option was to start the game over again. That's what I did.

I love how you do not have to carry a fucking torch with you. I hate that game play mechanic. I find carrying a torch stupid and unnecessary. I am perfectly willing to accept that either my character can see in the dark or that her light source is somewhere other then being held in her hand taking away her slot for her shield.

I feel like every time I make it some where in the game, that I have accomplished something. The game is hard and it feels good to make progress in it.

I really like the controls. I have heard complaints about them, but I feel the set up works really well for me.

I would recommend this game, but probably not to everyone. I think you have to have a bit of a masochistic (did I actually spell that word right? I couldn't imagine that I did, but my spell checker is not refuting it) personality to play it. Which, given that I stuck it through a physics degree, I have already proven that I do.
So, I don't feel in my last post, that I stressed enough how much better it is now. I think that as I was living in all of the shit, that I slowly become accustomed to things getting progressively more horrible and so I didn't realize quite how bad it was. Things like knowing that the money I just got paid is still going to be in my bank account tomorrow because I haven't spent it. Being able to buy groceries and thus knowing where my next meal is going to come from. Having myself and my cats living someplace safe, where we are not under threat of being kicked out. Not being at work and wondering if I am going to get a phone call with another crisis happening that I have to leave work for. Not being spun in one direction and then the other. Not being told lies about people I trusted and loosing friends over those lies just so that he could isolate me more and make me think that I had no one to turn to. I am my own person now and I control my life (PS, that is just a statement and not the beginnings of a philosophical debate on predestination or other such crap).

I have actually started talking to a few people at work. A couple of them work evening shift, so I only see them for like 15 minutes at a time, but still. Also, one of them recently got transferred to a different department in a different building for an unforeseeable amount of time. Which made me kind of sad when he told me this. Things are progressing slowly on the making friends front, but they are progressing none the less. My world is becoming less lonely.

I am also really happy to be blogging again and to be back on twitter. I feel like stopping those, was one of the first points of my isolation. I love blogging and tweeting, it's so much fun. Who doesn't want to have the contents of their brain spewed on the internet for random strangers to read? Although, I am really happy that there are about a million other people with my name (I am however not happy about the fact that there are a million people with a certain person's name with whom I tried, but failed at social media creeping because of it) because it makes it hard for people to social media creep me. As much as I like doing it to people at work, I don't know how much I would like for work people to find my blog. Which, I suppose some people would take as an argument for me not putting stuff up on here, but I have tried to find myself and I do not come up anywhere near the top in a google search. And none of them know LefthandedSocks, so I feel that it is okay. And if they do find me, oh well, I suppose they learn about what happened. Which really wouldn't be the end of the world, divorce being so common place these days and all. This is a really useless paragraph.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Now it has been five months. I was thinking it was six, but it's just five. It seems like a lot longer then that. It seems like another life.

I am definitely not as angry as I was about the whole situation. I have been able to let a lot of that go. (I think Dark Souls is doing the job that I hoped that it would do. Because video games are awesome)

Life really is about the choices that we make. He chose to lie. I understand that compulsive lying is a thing. But you still have to chose to tell the lie. I have had to overcome compulsions my entire life so that I can function in society. It has taken a lot of work for me to get to where I am today from where I came from as a child. He is choosing not to do that. I don't know where he is today or what he is doing, but I really hope he is getting help. For his sake and for the sake of the next person he brings into his life.

This time last year, I can remember exactly what was going on because this is when all of the stuff really started happening. His mistakes started coming to the surface and he couldn't hide them anymore. It really does seem like a different life. I look back and I just can not believe that was my life and that was me. Because it wasn't me and it wasn't the life that I am supposed to be living. It is so much better now. I can't express how thankful I am that I left and that I had somewhere to go.

Forgiveness is something I am approaching. I am not quite there yet. But the idea of it no longer seems like the end point of a vertical asymptote and me the function approaching it. Mostly, I feel sorry for him. A person can't constantly be destroying their life and the lives of the people around them.

I can see
When you stay low nothing happens
Does it feel right?
Late at night
Things I thought I'd put behind me
Haunt my mind
I just know there's no escape
Now once it sets it's eyes on you
But I wont run,
Have to stare it in the eye
Stand my ground, I wont give in
No more denying, I've got to face it
Wont close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will
Stand my ground
It's all around
Getting stronger, coming closer
Into my world
I can feel
That it's time for me to face it
Can I take it?
Though this might just be the ending
Of the life I held so dear
But I wont run,
There's no turning back from here
All I know for sure is I'm trying
I will always stand my ground

~ Stand My Ground by Within Temptation

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Zachary Quinto is kind of awesome

This is a link to the blog post that he wrote for when he came out. Do yourself a favor and read it, it is beautifully written.